Family Life

Why this mum doesn't want you to comment on her 'lovely' husband

Mum and blogger Meredith Gordon has been told that she is lucky to have such a caring husband. 

And while that mightn't seem like a big deal- in fact it's a rather positive comment, Gordon has a thing or two to say about it. 

Sharing with Love What MattersGordon says that every Friday her husband takes the children to school. For her, it shouldn't be something to comment upon.

"They’re his kids so it shouldn't be a big deal for a father to take his own children to school. Yet last Friday, a friend saw him at drop-off and immediately texted me saying, 'You are so lucky. I couldn't get my husband to drop off unless I was in the hospital. And even then…'"

This isn't the first time that her husband's behaviour has been commented upon, usually by other mothers. 

"It’s a lovely compliment, in theory, usually coming from a fellow wife and mom possibly lamenting the deficiencies of her own man. I’ve been told I’m lucky that my husband seems to dote on me and that he seems to (if Facebook is a truth teller) love to do interesting things with the kids that don’t require my help. I’ve been told I’m lucky that my husband is supportive of my career, and that he changes his work schedule when I have a meeting or work travel." 

But for Gordon, she claims that she's not lucky, that her husband is doing everything he's supposed to. 

"Don’t get me wrong, I think my guy is great. He wants to be as involved a parent as his time and energy allow. He believes in me more than I believe in myself and often uses his own hard earned connections and contacts to further my career and support my goals. He goes out of his way to make sure I get time to squeeze in things like exercise and time with my friends on evenings or weekends. And he does his best to schedule around events at our children’s school so he can participate and be there to support them as well."

It's not luck, it's hard work. 

"But he’s not that way because of luck. And I didn't somehow win the husband lottery because I got a good one. I’ve worked hard for a good relationship. And anyone who has a good partner will tell you the same." 

For Gordon, she was willing to wait for the right person. And even then, every relationship is a work in progress. 

"Me, I was willing to be single and waited until I found the right guy. And when I did meet the right guy, he wasn't exactly the guy he is now. He was, just like I was, a work in progress. We’ve learned from one another. We've learned to be supportive, to share the parenting workload and to give each time for the things that matter to us." 

While she is thankful for her husband, she's not lucky- and no one ever tells him how lucky he is to have her. 

"No one ever tells a man how lucky he is to have married a woman who is a good wife and mother. It’s assumed marriage and motherhood come naturally to women and that men can opt in or out as if marriage and fatherhood are extracurricular activities one can do when he’s not at work. It’s assumed that it’s luck that made a man a good father and husband which is an insult to both the man and his wife."

Being a good husband and father is not luck, it's a choice. 

"No man is a good one because of luck. He’s a good husband or father because he wants to be and because his partner requires that of him—that’s how it’s supposed to be. Raising children isn’t women’s work. And it’s not a burden or job. It’s what we signed on to do, together, as a couple.

"There’s no luck involved in that."

Amen to that, sister! 

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