Mum learns to say 'no' because she loves her children too much not to
When we say the word 'no' to our children, we get that sudden pang of guilt as if we're denying them the world.
But it's something they desperately need to learn, something which needs to be instilled from a young age.
It's not cruel, and we certainly don't enjoy playing the role, but someone has to do it right?
Emma Lou Harris learned this the hard way, after spending many years being the 'yes' woman, she has finally learned how to say no, and better yet she's passing her experience down to her children.
"I've always been a yes girl. Yes to everyone but myself. My anxiety simply couldn't tolerate No's. I feared it intensely."
"I always worried my kids would hate me for 'No's' the same as I worried people would hate me for them before my children. I was happier to accept looking like a walk over then a monster."
But taking some time out to take in the world which we now live in, Emma has reassessed her 'yes' stance:
"I realise the kindest thing I can do for these children is to teach them to love 'No'. Saying no is not about denying them something, but it's gifting them with the reassurance that saying 'No' is OK."
Saying the word no, is not about being a bad parent, it's about being a good parent, because kids need to learn from a young age that some things in life aren't acceptable, or, that you don't need to be pushed to do something you don't want to, you CAN say no.
"It's telling my small son who will one day be a man, that NO means NO. A man who I hope will go on dates, have relationships, or marriage. He needs to know that No means No and there are not any exceptions to that."
"As his mother it is MY JOB to drill that into his head from day dot."
"It's teaching my daughter, that NO means NO and that she needs to feel ok with that decision. She's ENTITLED to say 'No'."
"I want them to know that 'No' doesn't always mean failure. It is not a sign of weakness or fear but quite the opposite."
Explaining to her readers what the word really means, the mum-of-two clarified why she now says 'no':
"'No' is power. 'No' is brave. 'No' is protection. 'No' is knowing your own mind and being aware of its boundaries. It's discipline. It's respect. It's the cruel to be kind. It may be the bad cop. But 'No' is never bad."
"Now I say 'No'. Not because I don't love my children, but because I love them TOO much to always say yes."
For all you mums who are feeling guilty for playing the 'bad cop' role, Emma's post might make you rethink your stance too.
It really is OK to say no, after all we're protecting them and reassuring them at the same time.