Breaking the motherhood rules on age gaps: 'Embrace how things are'

It's the old age question; what is the perfect age gap to have between your children?

Should they be close enough in age that they can be friends, or should we leave bigger gaps so we can rebuild and heal our bodies after pregnancy?

Does anyone have the answer? No. 

 

A post shared by Ali Harris (@aliharriswriter) on Apr 21, 2017 at 2:43pm PDT

Because there is no real right or wrong time to have a baby.

Leaving a gap of two to three years between your children is a regular norm these days, your children will grow up killing each other and loving one another in equal measure.

They will steal toys, rob clothes and even hit one another, but they will always be there for one another, a best friend for life. 

 

A post shared by Ali Harris (@aliharriswriter) on Jul 15, 2016 at 3:54am PDT

Leaving a gap of five years or more is seen as too long, but why? Yes, you run the risk of them being a little spoiled, but is that not the case with every firstborn no matter what the age gap?

Leaving a gap leaves the potential for extra loving care; fights will be at a minimum, while protection will be the number one priority of the eldest.

It is each to their own. What works for one family may not necessarily work for another, which is something we need to embrace instead of conforming to societal norm. 

 

A post shared by Ali Harris (@aliharriswriter) on Jul 30, 2017 at 10:35pm PDT

UK mum, Ali Harris, is about to become a mother-of-three, but she too had concerns over an increasing age gap which people often frowned upon. 

Her thoughts are displayed on her latest Instagram post, and we can't help but rejoice that she has spoken up on such a debatable topic: "It's easy to obsess over when to have another child."

"Many of us aiming for that 'perfect' age gap so they're close enough in age to play together but old enough for us to not have to be wiping more than one bum at once."

After suffering a miscarriage, Ali knows that sometimes life just doesn't work out according to your plan or coincide with the perfect age gap you had planned for your family life.

 

A post shared by Ali Harris (@aliharriswriter) on Aug 27, 2017 at 11:28am PDT

"When that perceived perfect period of three years or so passes it can feel like you've failed – not just your own image of that perfect family but society's too."

"Losing our third baby and then struggling to conceive again for three years and watching that age gap grow bigger and bigger, at times I questioned if having another baby was the right thing to do," commented Mum. 

But paying attention to her friend, who has an exceptional bond with her little sister even through a 10 year age gap, Ali found solace, ready to welcome the latest addition to their family soon. 

"I also know how much love there is in my family, […], the last few years also taught me to move the parameters of what I thought was 'perfect' and embrace how things are, not how I, or anyone else, thinks they should be."

 

The thing I'm loving the most about this pregnancy? Sharing it with my two who are 8 and 6 and are so incredibly excited about this baby. It's easy to obsess over when to have another child, many of us aiming for that 'perfect' age gap so they're close enough in age to play together but old enough for us to not have to be wiping more than one bum at once Anything much bigger than that and we worry that they won't be close. But we all know life doesn't always work out as we plan and when that perceived perfect period of 3 years or so passes it can feel like you've failed – not just your own image of that perfect family but society's too. Losing our third baby and then struggling to conceive again for three years and watching that age gap grow bigger and bigger, at times I questioned if having another baby was the right thing to do. But seeing Ashling with her sister @wearsjuicy who is ten years younger than her – and knowing what an incredibly special relationship they have helped enormously when the doubts set in. I also knew how much love there is in my family, how much these two still talked about poppy and how good they are with friends babies and I knew this baby would be privileged to be looked after them and have them to teach them about the world. The last few years have also taught me to move the parameters of what I thought was 'perfect' and embrace how things are, not how I – or anyone else – thinks they should be. Experiencing this pregnancy with my kids at the age they are after what we went through is nothing short of a gift. They're so engaged already, so excited and looking after me so well – I'm even getting back rubs and baths and LIE INS! And that never would have happened a few years ago. So for those who have waited a little longer than most for their next child – by choice, through loss or because you're struggling to conceive – I've written a post about the benefits of a big age gap on the site today (link in bio ) I hope it helps you keep the faith and feel certain that whatever the gap is, it is going to be just right for your family. Because really, that's all that counts isn't it?#tmtalk #teamtriplemelt #tmbaby

A post shared by triplemelt (@triplemelt) on Aug 30, 2017 at 11:49pm PDT

"Experiencing this pregnancy with my kids at the age they are after what we went through is nothing short of a gift. They're so engaged already, so excited and looking after me so well – I'm even getting back rubs and baths and LIE INS! That never would have happened a few years ago."

Ali confesses that the best part of her pregnancy so far is being able to share it with her eight-year-old and six-year-old, as they are both incredibly excited about the impending arrival – they don't care the baby will be 'X' amount of years younger than them. 

And for those who need to wait a little longer than others for the arrival of their next baby, Ali shares this: "Keep the faith and feel certain that whatever the gap is, it is going to be just right for your family. Because that's all that counts isn't it?"