Being in bed at noon, and 7 other insights into your maternity leave

The question "On yer holliers?" is the bane of any woman on maternity leave – and rightly so.

Indeed, far from lounging around the gaff, your life and schedule is given a total overhaul when you leave the office and embrace your new-found stay-at-home-mum status (even if it is only for a few months).

Here are eight things that the working mama-to-be can expect from her leave…

1) You will sleep at bizarre times:

In bed at noon? Oh lucky you! Except that you were up with the baby until 4am – and again 5am. And 7am too. In fact, you’ve grabbed about three hours sleep in the last 24. Still, snoozing – FINALLY! – in bed at noon as a newborn slumbers beside you makes it all worth it. Right??

2) You will wear pyjamas… a lot:

You mean to get dressed; but somehow you don’t. Suddenly, it’s 5pm and it’s hardly worth it at that stage (see above No.1 above).

3) You will have moments of pure bliss:

Your baby asleep in the buggy; the sun on your face; slipping a coffee – definitely not thinking about the folk back in the office. Life can be good.

4) And moments of agony too:

You’re exhausted, baba is going through a ‘phase,’ and your maternity leave is rapidly running out. In short, you just don’t know how you’re going to manage all this AND work when your time is up. Overwhelmed doesn’t even go there (PS it will all be fine).

5) Your budgeting skills will surprise you:

You’ve no money – and now you’re buying truckloads of nappies too. Surviving on your state allowance isn’t easy, but your budgeting skills will definitely surprise you. Indeed, from supermarket offers to free coffees, few other folk can sniff out a bargain like a maternity leave mama.

6) Netflix:

One word – saviour.

7) You’ll know a lot about cafes:

Which ones are quiet and when; which ones accommodate a buggy and the mountain of ‘stuff’ that comes with a newborn; where allows you to sit there for hours after only buying a tea (see No.5 above).

8) Plans will go out the window:

All the books you were going to read; the friends you were going to visit; the local tourist attractions you were going to see – yeah, none of it will happen. But that’s OK too; this is a time for you and your brand-new small one.