11 signs you're WAY too hard on your children
When it comes to discipline, it’s hard to strike a balance.
If you don’t punish bad behaviour, you’ll raise a spoiled brat. If you over-punish, you’ll raise a child who’s scared to do a thing for fear of Mum's wagging finger (or his Playstation being taken away…again!)
But how do you know if you’re being too strict? Here are 10 sure-fire signs…
You have a zero tolerance policy
It’s important to have rules. But it’s equally important to realise that there are always exceptions to the rules. Instead of taking an authoritarian stance on everything, show that you can take circumstances into account when you’re dishing out punishment.
Your child lies A LOT
While it’s normal for kids to stretch the truth from time to time, research shows that harsh discipline turns kids into pretty good liars. In a bid to avoid punishment, your child will likely start lying about little things…and before long, it could be the big things too.
You have a long list of rules…
Rules are important – they teach kids what’s acceptable and what isn’t. But if nothing is acceptable, then they’ll be afraid to try anything when they grow up. Keep your rules simple and only include the most important ones you want your child to remember. And post your list of rules in a place where it can be seen. In childhood at least, ignorance is most definitely a defence!
WAY longer than other people's kids…
We’ve all heard our child whinge about not being allowed do something, citing the fact that the neighbour’s kid can. But if this is something you hear on a regular basis, chances are your expectations are a bit too high…
Your child has little time for fun
Many kids with strict parents run from activity to activity with little downtime in between. While some structure is vital, it’s also important for kids to have time to themselves.
You don't do silliness
Most kids love silly jokes and games, but before you know it, they’ll be sulky, stroppy teens. With that in mind, have some patience when it comes to the silly stuff. You’ll miss it when it’s gone…
You can't let your child do things her way
Sometimes strict parents insist children do everything a certain way. They insist on making the bed the ‘right way’ or playing with the doll house ‘appropriately.’ While there are times that kids need adult instruction, it’s important to allow for flexibility and creativity.
You nag as a matter of course
Nagging prevents kids from taking responsibility for their own behaviour. If you find yourself nagging your child about everything from when to do their homework, to when they should do their piano practise, they’ll never learn to organise herself.
You praise the outcome, not the effort
Strict parents often don’t praise their kids much. They’re too busy giving out! But what’s more: the praise they do give tends to be for great results, rather than the effort. This will backfire in the long term as kids will likely shy away from trying new things. Why? Because they’ve only ever been encouraged to do things that they’re good at.
Your threats are a bit OTT
Okay, so most parents are guilty of making outrageous threats from time to time, but regularly going overboard is not good. The child knows only too well that you’re not going to donate all of his toys to charity if he doesn’t clean up his room right now. And if he doesn’t believe you’ll follow through, then what’s the point in making the threat in the first place?
You hand out orders constantly
If you constantly say things like “Sit up straight” and “Don’t slurp your drink”, your child is guaranteed to tune out. And why wouldn’t they? Nobody likes being told what to do all of the time. Save the orders for when they come home thinking about getting that tattoo…
SHARE if you think you go a bit overboard with the discipline – and want to stop