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Posted: Sun Aug 18, 2013 10:33 pm
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I just need some advice before I crack up!

I lost my baby some time ago, it was a late loss


I am pregnant again. We planned it this way but i'm scared stiff, I'm hormonal, I'm tearful, irritable. I probably tick a lot of the boxes for depression. I'm not sleeping, working full time etc etc

Everyone keeps telling me to be thankful for the children I do have. This drives me bonkers. Of course I'm thankful but my heart is also broken. I confide in very few people, so a lot of the latter advice is from people who don't know how I'm feeling

I've had counselling. I don't want to go back
I'm just wondering if any of you ladies that have been in a similar position, can tell me what helped you?, how you coped? Some days I think I should not have gotten pregnant again


I'm feeling guilty for feeling this way and feeling bad for the baby inside me
This post is all over the place, just like me. I hope you can make some sense out of it?


Last edited by countrymammy on Wed Sep 04, 2013 10:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Posted: Sat Aug 24, 2013 6:29 pm
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KB, thanks for your kind post
Mum2mad2, thanks also. Your post has been so helpful. I had forgotten about isands! I received information from them following my loss but never thought any more about them
I'm definitely going to have a look on website later....thanks


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Posted: Thu Sep 19, 2013 9:37 pm
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Updating to say I'm still so anxious.

Having lots of movements which is reassuring. Really hope baby makes it to the end!!

Total irrational thought now but I'm thinking of the birth (all going well, pls God), I'm so scared I won't be able for it/ have flash backs to when I had to deliver my baby that wasnt alive.


Any advice girls who've been in this positioni


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Posted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 11:11 pm
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Girls, the anxiety is killing me!
I'm a wreck. Sleep is broken, appetite awful. Working full time, wrecked all the time. On edge that I'm going to lose this baby too

We haven't 'announced' this pregnancy yet. In sure some people have guessed thou, but I just want to be in control of when we tell people

Have made an appointment with the counsellor again. Hoping that might help

Am consumed with guilt. Guilt about not bonding with this pregnancy, lots of guilts......



Have had vaginal deliveries before...successfully. but I'm having flash backs to my delivery of baby that was dead.

What am I going to do girls? Could I ask for a section 'feeling guilty again about wanting this. Have no idea/experience of sections. Am just so all over the place
Have appointment with obstetrician in two wks, not sure if I can broach all of this with obstetrician?


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Posted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 11:22 pm
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countrymammy

I have no experience of this but have you spoken to your GP about the anxiety that you have?

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Posted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 11:28 pm
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Do broach it with your Obstetrician and with your GP.

My sister's first baby was born full-term, but was immediately on life support and then he died when they removed life support at 2 days old. Pregnancy was text book and so was delivery - any exams or traces during labour showed no sign of distress on baby's part.
On her 2nd pregnancy she was ok all the way though - nervous of course, but ok - until about a month before her due date, when she started to freak out a bit. She reckoned that during labour she would not be able to relax or believe the staff if they said that baby was doing ok as that's what she heard first time around and look what happened.
So, she discussed all her concerns and fears with her Obs and between them they an elective section was the best option.

That may or may not be the best thing for you obviously, but just letting you know that sometimes sections are decided upon for psychological reasons as well as for physical reasons.

Best of luck with this pregnancy, and I'm sorry for your previous loss.


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Posted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 11:29 pm
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countrymammy wrote:
Girls, the anxiety is killing me!
I'm a wreck. Sleep is broken, appetite awful. Working full time, wrecked all the time. On edge that I'm going to lose this baby too

We haven't 'announced' this pregnancy yet. In sure some people have guessed thou, but I just want to be in control of when we tell people

Have made an appointment with the counsellor again. Hoping that might help

Am consumed with guilt. Guilt about not bonding with this pregnancy, lots of guilts......



Have had vaginal deliveries before...successfully. but I'm having flash backs to my delivery of baby that was dead.

What am I going to do girls? Could I ask for a section 'feeling guilty again about wanting this. Have no idea/experience of sections. Am just so all over the place
Have appointment with obstetrician in two wks, not sure if I can broach all of this with obstetrician?


Hi ,
Firstly apologies, was on the phone last night and lost my first reply and then couldn't edit this....

Anyhow am so sorry to read of the loss of your baby and congrats on this pregnancy. I know exactly what you are going through now and know that no words will really make you feel differently :huh: . I found all my pregnancies following my little boys loss a nightmare but the one thing that helped me was being able to vent and say exactly how I was feeling to others especially those who had been through similar experiences. You can and will be able to do this but you need to find an outlet to deal with your feelings. Do you have support through the hospital like a dedicated midwife or consultant?

I really would recommend you contact A Little Lifetime (they used to be called ISANDS) you will find plenty of support there. If you would rather not ring then they also have a forum which is very active and you will find many there going through similar experiences and are a great source of help and advice, its on www.alittlelifetime.ie.

Take care and try not to be too hard on yourself, its ok and understandable to feel like this.

Take care
Wispa xx


Last edited by Wispa on Sun Sep 22, 2013 10:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Posted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 11:44 pm
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Country mammy I really feel your pain. You have nothing to be ashamed of and of course you should talk to your obs about your fears. I found the pastoral care in the hospital really helpful, she put me in touch with the maternity ward manager when I was gearing up to deliver my daughter after her sister had been stillborn at 38 weeks 12 mts earlier. I spoke to her about being scared of the being in the same rooms, theaters etc as when my daughter Eve was born but never breathed. I wanted to be in control of when I faced those same smells, same blankets, same staff again. She was very understanding and they never questioned my anxiety. My obs was great, he never made me feel like I was worrying unnecessarily, not once. I told them how I wanted things to go and they did their best to accommodate me, even took me in the night before and let me hear her heartbeat for hours just so I could feel reassured she was still alive (I was having a section anyway as I had already had two).

You just do what you can do. Your anxiety is very real, maybe not entirely rational to many but to you and me its very real so just reach out for help. Don't suffer in silence, you are only protecting yourself and your baby.


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Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 8:01 am
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I think you should have regular counselling sessions throughout this pregnancy.
I also delivered a baby at 20 weeks and apart from the loss and the grief there is a huge amount of trauma attached to delivering a dead baby. I started counselling 8 months after my loss, I have had just 10 sessions but I am like a different person. My counsellor helped break down everything for me, she helped me process everything because I was stuck in the one place going around and around with all the grief and anger and loss going nowhere. I feel ready to move past it now, it doesn't feel so heavy to carry around now. It's part of our life story, we will always miss her but I feel ready to move forward. The main thing it helped with was the anxiety because that was horrendous. I have not had a pregnancy since but I think you should continue counselling probably even after this new baby arrives. Everything you are feeling is normal after such a loss but you can work through it and understand it better with help. I wish you well and you can pm me anytime if you would like to talk.

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Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 8:22 am
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It is hard.
Firstly im sorry for your loss, and congrats on this pregnancy.

There are simple rules (that are not that simple so keep reminding yourself). One day at a time, I used to bed each night and say thanks to baby for lasting another day.
If you are worried about anything go to your cons or gp- don't sit there worrying about it
Talk to your cons, they will most likely have a plan to deliver you early

Hope you are and best of luck


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Posted: Mon Sep 23, 2013 3:05 pm
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i had a long reply typed out and it just disappeared.

i will reply later when i get a chance
in the interim, i just want to thanks everyone for their really supportive repsonses


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Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2018 2:50 pm
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Just hold your nerves and keep calm. https://he.com.pk/health-fitness/how-to ... t-in-urdu/


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