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DD is 5 !!

EDD 21/11/06 became an angel on 18/5/06 gone but never forgotting

No advice on how to handle the fact that he had an affair, but I would not want to be with a man who was denying his child and claiming he wanted nothing to do with it - she couldn't have 'planned' a baby without his help!!
He is responsible for that baby now whether he, her or you like it or not, the child never asked to be born into this situation.
His lying about it may be due to the fact that you have let it known you want nothing to do with the baby and maybe his concience (which he should have) got the better of him.
I would go mad at the lying but I would commend him for stepping up to the mark.

Can you talk about it when he comes home. At the end of the day it is still his child and something needs to be sorted. Maybe he thought he needed to be there for the birth.

I don't know its a hard one but I would give him a chance to talk first. Only you two know what you went through and if is worth fighting for.

How do you know she planned it.

He cant really see the baby and avoid her. Especially with a newborn as its hard enough to set a routine up.

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Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.

All of want I wanted to say . This child is not going anywhere and he is the father who needs to step up to the mark but financially and by being part of the child's life

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sorry girls i should have said im not against him seeing the baby at all but i jsut dont want to i agee he should surport him. but his mother agreed that she would have the baby and he can see him from there the baby mother agreed to this also. he wasnt at the birth his mother was

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DD is 5 !!

EDD 21/11/06 became an angel on 18/5/06 gone but never forgotting

I think you are all going through a very stressful time, don't be making any big decisions or asking him to make any big decisions at the moment. You are all going to need to find a way for him to be a dad to his son, you may want that to be with you or not with you (only you and he can decide that) but I think the fact that he wants to be there for his son is a sign of a man who accepts his responsibility and that is a good thing. It is difficult for you and no-one else can tell you how to feel about all of this, only you know what you can manage, bu don't make him chose between you and a child.

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"I guess that's just the circle of life: our parents faked their way through it,you fake your way through it and hopefully you don't raise a serial killer" Phil Dunphy - Modern Family

Look I know your head must be all over the place - and your heart but at the end of this day that child is your little girls brother and always will be, you need to separate your feelings for what he has done and for the babys mother from how you are going to view and handle this baby coming into your lives.
No doubt your very emotional right now so as nbgb says take a step back, make no decisions either way right now.

im not making him choose at all never would do that.

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DD is 5 !!

EDD 21/11/06 became an angel on 18/5/06 gone but never forgotting

but in your post you gave him an ultimatum - he could see the baby but never be around her, that imo is unreasonable (if understandable) ......and at least when the baby is very small practically impossible



how are you going to resolve you feeling like this and moving on with your dp having his baby in your life?

I'm not trying to be harsh but you sound all over the place at the moment and maybe he was struggling trying to be fair to you and still being there for his son and maybe thought not telling you was the best option - not excusing it but it might be what happened - especially if his mother is in contact with this woman.

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"I guess that's just the circle of life: our parents faked their way through it,you fake your way through it and hopefully you don't raise a serial killer" Phil Dunphy - Modern Family

he can have a relationship with his son i would nevr stop that but he just does it with me not around i told him i would go out for day when he has the child the childs mother also agreed to this she doesnt want me around her baby and also said his mother could take the baby to her house for my dp to vist him while he a new born. if he had of said all along he wanted to go the hospital to see the baby i cold have had time to deal with that but he didnt he went behind my back to do it that whats hurting the most

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DD is 5 !!

EDD 21/11/06 became an angel on 18/5/06 gone but never forgotting

I do understand you feeling hurt and wanting to vent, honestly I have no clue how I would feel if I had to deal with this , but it sounds like you have given him a lot of conditions on how he can see, be with his child and maybe he wasn't happy with those conditions but just didn't discuss it any further with you. Can you find the strenght to not deal with any of this for a wee while...everyone is probably very emotional now and it would be an awful shame if either of you made a decision in the heat of the moment you regret.

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"I guess that's just the circle of life: our parents faked their way through it,you fake your way through it and hopefully you don't raise a serial killer" Phil Dunphy - Modern Family

Is this her first child. I think she is going to be going through hard enough time of it as well considering she is now a single mother. Any plans that were made while she was pregnant might easily change. I know when ds1 was a baby I would not hand him over to anyone else.

His mother sounds great she is there for you, her son and the baby's mother.

She calls the shots now regarding the child and if it was me I wouldn't be handing him over to his grandmother so his father could visit. Is he going to pay for the babys up keep.

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Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.