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DD1 is 7, DS is 5, DD2 is 3.5

I would hope the teacher would. It would be a pretty uncomfortable chat for a teacher to have with the parent. I always feel sorry for children who are overweight. I remember an overweight mam telling me about her issues with food and how she thought that the huge plate of food she was having was normal for her so she thought it was okay to give half that portion to her children, who all had weight issues. She now knows she should have being eating the portion she was giving the children and the child eating the half of that again.

I always wonder in these situations do the parents really not know the child is terribly overweight? I presume they do but maybe not.

When mine were in public school, I got a letter from the department of health - they weighed/took the height of every child in 4th grade and sent the bmi results to the parents. I nearly had a heart attack as I opened the letter as my then 9 year old was a big girl in our eyes - she was actually fine (like our doctor told us every year).

I think that would be a better approach - sending a letter from a public health clinic home in a couple of grades - maybe 2nd class and 5th class with BMI readings. I think it would be terribly hard on a teacher to have to tell -possibly overweight themselves - parents that their child is overweight and then maintain a good relationship.

This person is a teacher not a nurse or doctor. It is not her place to tell the parents that their child is overweight.She does not do health checks on the children or weigh them. It would be massively overstepping the mark for the teacher to do this and could do a lot of damage to the relationship between the parents and the teacher as well as between the child and the teacher. Can you imagine the scenario where the parents go home and say 'your teacher says you are fat' or 'you can't bring that with you, teacher says you need to lose weight' or even if the child overheard the parents talking about what was said? If the child is upset by other children making comments, how upset would the child be if they thought the teacher was making comments too.
Re: SPHE (social personal health education) if the teacher says the child has no difficulties in that area, it is in the subject area. It is not stating the child has no issues with their health. If a child had a chronic health condition, the teacher wouldn't mark them down in SPHE.
The only way the teacher could comment on this child's issues would be in the area of PE if the child is not taking part or sits it out or gives up very quickly. That would be part of her/his remit as a teacher.

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DD1 is 7, DS is 5, DD2 is 3.5

Crossed posts there purpleprincess. And thanks for the reply.
It didn't occur to me that it was a subject for the kids!

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DD1 is 7, DS is 5, DD2 is 3.5

I'm not a primary school teacher but would imagine this would be a very difficult subject for a teacher to bring up with parents. However, if a child was being bullied about her weight, maybe the teacher would mention this. DS and DDs schools both have healthy eating policies so maybe teacher could speak with the whole class about healthy eating and give all the class some relevant leaflets etc to bring home in the hope that it might encourage the girls parents to think about eating habits.

agree totally.

Half the board totally discount such comments from their PHNs and/or doctors, who ARE medically trained , so can you imagine the uproar here on MM if teachers started commenting on the kids weights????

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Keep your heels, head and standards high

Disagree with you there Mafrac. I am a size 8 and quite slim . threee of my 4 children are probably a little underweight for the height and age. However my DD1 is overweight and I cannot fiqure out what I am doing wrong. she eats well and plays alot of sport yet she has rolls of fat from her waist up. I get frustrated as i must be doing something wrong yet I cannot fiqure it out. I watch her very carefully and make sure that her portions are not huge yet she is still overweight. she is 9 next month and is wearing size 10 years old clothes.

Laura.

if you feel that the mother probably has her head in the sand about it, thinking she's a big boned girl and she has a bit of weight on her/ bit on the chubby side instead of facing the fact that her child is extremely overweight and you think it needs to be highlighted would you not do it yourself?

maybe say it in a kind of way that you're letting her know that her dd is being picked on, just mother to mother in case she hadn't talked to her mam about it and mention that it is her weight that's causing this for her.

I'm not suggesting you say "Now, i just have to come out with it, you're daughter is very overweight and it's causing her problems"

but maybe

"I just wanted to mention to you, my dd tells me that your dd is having a hard time in the schoolyard, an awful lot of comments about her weight and slagging her off about her size, and she's been getting upset as you'd imagine. I presume she's told you but i just thought i better say it to you just in case you didn't know what was going on, i know i'd want to be told if my dd was being bullied"

That way you're not shoving your oar in and calling her child fat, you're only making sure she knows her child's being bullied, as any mother would want to know. but you are letting her know also that it is her weight specifically that is making her a target. There's not a lot you can do if there's a weight issue in the family but at least you'll have highlighted that it is a problem to the mother without speaking out of turn about it iykwim, and maybe the mother might realise that the daughter is more than big boned/chubby, she's fat and she's paying the price for it.

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DD1 is 7, DS is 5, DD2 is 3.5

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DD1 is 7, DS is 5, DD2 is 3.5

Personally I'm overweight but my kids are not. I am more than aware of what causes weight & will not allow it to affect my kids. unfortunately I do have a little one who thinks she's allergic to veg but that's easily cured with bribes of hair & nail growth. See the bitch Mum?! But I don't care 'cos my little ones eat healthily, even if they do think it's for long hair ds is 8 & just knows better - he eats what he's given or does not get his little treat bowl!

No problem at all Mafrac. I just wish that I could find out what I am doing wrong. sometimes I feel like the crappiest mother ever as I feel its my responsibility to look after all my kids health and well being.

Laura.

Laura is she sneaking food by any chance?

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DD1 is 7, DS is 5, DD2 is 3.5

That's hard for you Laura, has she always been this way or is it a recent thing? Could it be a change in her body pre-puberty? I noticed with my older niece she went through a very very slightly tubby stage before she became pre-pubescent. I have no idea if this is normal or whether it was a coincidence but to my mind it makes sense that they might lay down some extra fat in advance of puberty. If you're watching what she's eating and she's getting plenty of exercise I wouldn't worry too much about it.

I've a very slim friend with a very slim husband. She seems completely blind to the fact that her son is bordering on fat. I had to help him in the bathroom recently and I was really shocked at how big he'd gotten. He has always been big and I wonder if she just puts it down to him just being that way. When will she see it as a problem though.

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It depends on context. She may have said X is getting teased because other children say she is fat.Personally, I'd be very careful with a weight issue.

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Couple of things struck me about this thread and maybe it hit a cord with me aswell. I have struggled with my weight all my life (well from puberty onwards) and I absolutely live in fear that my children will follow my lead. To date none of them seem to have any problems and the girls are very thin but it is a worry. So the comment relating to mothers being overweight often being the reason for overweight children is a little upsetting but sadly I think I have to agree with it in some instances.

I dont think it is a teachers place to speak to parents about weight issues in children. I think parents who get offended or annoyed when health professionals highlight the fact that their child has a problem need to get their heads out of the sand. Some times children are obese for no particular reason. I know of two kids who fit into this category and I know they dont over eat and they participate actively in loads of sporting activities. Both moms are watching it very closely and I suppose they are hoping that someday the kids will grow into themseles.

DD's JI teacher told me that she thought DD was 'very thin' and 'underweight' at her parent teacher meeting. DD was still going through her really fussy eating phase and I made the mistake of taking the teacher's opinion too seriously and I allowed DD to eat any form of rubbish for a while just so she would eat something and gain weight. I now regret that as three years on, she has gained weight and now sports a slightly pudgy tummy. I'm having to eliminate a lot of items I first allowed a few years ago in a panic. She's still well within her healthy weight range but I'm keeping an eye on it which is a total reversal of where she was a couple of years ago.

I really don't think it's an appropriate area for teachers to comment on to parents.

I don't think it's the teachers place either but if a child was getting bullied because of their weight I would hope the teacher would say something. I know some parents are blind to their childs weight but if your child is getting bullied about their weight (and they are overweight with no underlying medical issues) then it's time to open your eyes and address it.

There are some really big girls in DS1s class - mothers are all normal weight but the fathers are huge. DS2 who has a pal who is 4 but is obese, as are the whole family. So sad to see a 4 year old who can't walk without turning red in the face.

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Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe

It's definitely not the teacher's place to comment, unless a child is being bullied.

I also think most overweight adults are well aware of their problem, but negative comments only serve to drive the problem underground and leads to more overeating in most cases. I figure they already deal with enough comments come from 'well meaning' family and friends already. Change has to come from within, and kind of from a positive desire for a better outcome. Food issues actually come from good 'values' people have like wanting to nourish and care for their families, or one example it can get mixed up with love because they get a good feeling when they give the child treat foods or another portion of chips etc - they feel the child loves them more, then they interpret this as doing 'good' for the child if they give them what they want to eat. With children especially you have to be prepared for some painful feelings relating to refusing them foods they want and trying to encourage them to eat healthily.
Most human behaviour actually comes from a 'good' intention, it is just expressed in a way that becomes unhealthy. People are very quick to assume that overweightness is a very easy thing to fix.

Generally unhealthy eating habits are kind of embedded in the environment of the home, or the Granny's or childminder's home. Or there is a lack of an awareness about calories, healthy foods, snack foods etc where a parent with no food issues has never had to think about calories or activity levels or any of that stuff.
The difference between one child in a family being overweight and one child not, could come down to as little as having one extra sandwich or a different food in their lunchbox every day.
So child A aged 7, very active, is only having a 200 calorie school lunch but child B, not very active, aged 9 is having a 350 calorie school lunch. It's the extra few calories a day over time that makes the difference and adds the weight.
For example 1 Actimel + pack of Cheese stick dippers is about 180 calories, if you switch that small lunch for one ricecake and a small box of raisins, that's about 90 calories. So there's a reduction of 90 calories in that child's daily intake straightaway, over a year that will reduce weight by several pounds. If you also reduce the portion of bread or pasta that child is getting by about a quarter to one third, more weight will be lost. So switching food types, really reading labels and adding up calories over a week, and reducing carbohydrates by a small amount can help significantly.
Some children for example drink excessive amounts of full fat milk each day or with every meal, but parents would see milk as being 'good' in any amount but 2 pints a day (4 large glasses) is 740 calories which is about 40% of the average 9yr old's daily calorie intake.

The only time I've ever had to broach the subject was in relation to the child's motor skills. He had very poor fine and gross motor control for his age and the excess weight wasn't helping matters. He was very obese. I didn't discuss weight with the mum but asked her to take him to the clinic for a referral to the OT. Once there they got a referral to the OT and to a weight clinic.