MagicMum.com

I only read the replys till page 2, but on the using disabelt toilet voor a special needs older boy I totally agree that that might be the only option.

In dd2 class is a boy with down syndrome, when he goes school swimming, he gets changed in the disabelt toilets as his mum or sna does not go in the boys dressing room.

The same boy goes swimming in the same club as us and his mum changes him in disabelt toilets as he is to old to get changed with the girls and his mum can not go into the mens dressing room. He is not the only one, who does it this way.
And his mother started this when he was 7, as she tought it was not appropriate anymore for him to get changed with the girls.

I also said 7, as that was the age when my girls were not going with their dad into the mens dressing room anymore as THEY felt it was not right anymore, so in a childs point of few, that would be the age or even a bit younger.

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And this must be the prime of life..
P.Larkin.

Haven't read all the replies, but I know last year when ds and dd1 had swimming lessons at the same time, ds didn't want to use the ladies changing rooms but the men's, he would have been 6 at the time. We'd no probs with that.

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DS 24/08/2004
DD1 08/03/2006
DD2 15/06/2008

off to break the news to Dh about how I am going to enhance his safety.

Haven't read the last page and a half. We use cubicles so don't have any issues at swimming. My only comments on this situation are:

1. Bringing children above 7 into changing room of the opposite sex:
- If you bring your 7+ child into a changing room of the opposite sex you should use a cubicle. It's as simple as that.

2. Why one rule for boys and another for girls:
- Your 8.5 year old daughter needed you to sort out a difficult situation for her in the changing rooms yesterday, and on a previous occasion.
- You are already gearing yourself up to have to deal with a similar situation at the next swimming session (ie you still feel you need to step in and help your 8.5 year old daughter as you must not feel she can do it herself at that age).
- You don't see any problem whatsoever with boys of a similar age to your dd (or younger) being on their own in a communal changing room. You think they will be totally able to deal with any difficult situations that may arise on their own, unlike your dd who keeps needing you to step in.

i haven't read the entire thread so apologies if it's been said before, but could the other mother not just have a chat with her son and explain that when people are getting changed, you shouldn't stare... in fact you're best off looking elsewhere because it's hard to be discreet and keep your bits covered when you're trying to get dried off and dressed and it's very embarrassing/uncomfortable if some boy is watching you.

When i went swimming as a kid my mother would remind me not to be looking at people in a state of undress because i wouldn't like an audience having a gawk at my nether regions when i'm getting dressed

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Deleted for being nonsense!

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DD1 is 7, DS is 5, DD2 is 3.5

ok sorry well then that's what it should be. Can you tell I'm pretty by the book

Hungry, there were cubicles available

Thanks D&C, thats what happens when you choose to skip 7.5 pages I guess! I'll amend my post.
Might read the pages now to find out what the heck the problem with just using a cubicle was.

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DD1 is 7, DS is 5, DD2 is 3.5

Well, seeing as quite a few people skipped quite a few pages I wont bother repeating myself and just instruct you all to go play by the rules and read (I'm joking, in case you missed that). I think I've said as much as I have to say on the subject but have read a couple of very interesting replies; the last few from Eddy, Overhere and E stand out. I think I made a post at the end of page 6, I repeated it at the top of page 7 so I'll leave it there and move on but please continue without me, as I said, some very interesting, pertinent and thought provoking posts on the subject.

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I think this sums it up really. Great post.

I'm not sure why people are referring to the boy as being 10? I reread the OP again and it says he was 'at least 8'. Although if it's the same little boy engol posted about back in November, that post said he was 6. Or maybe he was a different one who was bothering them in the changing rooms then.

Either way, if he's 6 or 8 I think people are being unfair implying that he was staring in a sexually aware way. He's still a child and it could well be just innocent curiosity.

I've just remembered that a boy in DD's class takes lessons at the same time as us and they both change together in the ladies' changing rooms even though they are almost 9. If they are beside each other, we probably use the towel around them but it's a complete non-issue for everyone. The idea that one could be 'bullying' the other in the yard claiming to have seen them naked seems daft to me.

I agree good points.

My twins are now 7 and the idea of leaving them or even my 9 year old in a men's changing room on their own is madness. They'd trash the place and all the naked men would come out screaming crying.

FWIW when I take them swimming we use a cubicle. Also, I wouldn't allow my sons to stare at strangers anywhere. It's plain rude.

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If robbers ever broke into our house to search for money, I'd just laugh and search with them.

Different boy, this one is a year ahead of Engol's 8.5 year old Dd, so at least 9 I assume.

For what its worth i agree with Engol that boy should not have been allowed to stare at her dd. If if was a boy staring at my dd I would have been absolutely livid and vice versa if my dd was staring at a boy I wouldnt be happy with her either. So Engol, I think you did the right thing.

Agree with everything biddypat said aswell.

Agree that there are paedophiles every where and nobody wants to put their child in the way of one, but thinking about it logically there are probably lots of people in the mens dressing room after a swimming session so I would think there is no real danger there.

Our pool does not have family rooms or cubicles. However they have 4 dressing rooms,

1 for adult males and boys and girls
1 for adult females and boys and girls
1 for adult males and boys
1 for adult females and girls

If a boy of any age is in the adult females and girls dressing room (or girl in adult male and boys room) then the managment take it seriously and have a word.

For changing for lessons then I think a boy age 9 in a men's dressing room is fine. However, for public/member/open swim sessions then imo age 8/9 is too young. For lessons there are parents that we see regularly there, and the dressing room is busy. For open swim sessions the risk of a sicko in there is greater imo.

DS age 10 goes into the mens alone when changing for lessons.

For an open swim I bring him into adult female and boys and girls dressing room. He changes quickly in the corner and leaves as soon as he's ready - ie waits in the wet corridor on the way to the pool or in the cafe on the way out. I am very conscious that he is old in the female dressing room but I cannot and will not take the risk of something awful happening to him in the mens.

Engol I would have no issue with the boy in question being in the dressing room, but the staring is completly unacceptable. The mum should have sorted him out asap and made him wait outside the dressing room.

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Ribbit

dont know how i missed this thread but only seeing it now.

all i can say is

i would never be comfortable allowing my 8 year old daughter change in the same room as an 8 year old boy no matter if both mums were present.
maby because growing up i never had this problem. we always changed in the ladies changing room, and my brother's ichanged in with the men.
your poor dd.

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DD is 4
DS is 3
DD2 is 1


Raise your words, not voice.
It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.

What do you do at the beach?

dont go to the beach here

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DD is 4
DS is 3
DD2 is 1


Raise your words, not voice.
It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.

Just to play devil's advocate here.... I do agree that the boy's Mother should not allow him to stare at anyone getting changed... BUT I would also encourage my daughter to ignore it and that she had nothing to be ashamed of - that the problem was with him. I think Irish people are a bit too hung up about keeping every inch covered when they get changed.

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her point wasn't that she couldn't change, it was that the boy was in the changing rooms when he was acting too old to be there, and he was as stated by the rules over the allowed age group. Now if it was a unisex changing room she could prepare for that, but it wasn't. The bit that has me flabbergasted is that so many think there are men in all swimming pools waiting to pounce on little boys, this is not a fact, it is a fear, legitimate yes, but when you consider the fact that other men would be in the locker room other boys etc, and a mother waiting outside the door, it is not like sending a child of nine into a mine feild. I am amazed that boys of that age will still go with mammy into the ladies changing rooms to be honest. Do they also use the ladies toilets, because men tend to use the public mens toilets too....
I found it annoying to be honest , that anyone who stated that boys over the age of eight can go to mens lockers by themselves, are accused of having no idea what can happen, Engol was almost told that her boy when he reaches eight or nine will be in danger if she allows him to do that, ( as she said she would) and it was almost as if she had no worries for her little boy, when she stated over, and over that she had a plan in action. I am glad when my son was that age that I didn't live in an age of such paranoia, altough we were well aware of sexual assaults on both male and felmale children, we did the whole chat, and if he was shy he changed in a loo in the mens locker room, and scooted his little backside out of the lockers. The fact that it is a private swimming pool and not a huge public swimming pool also makes it safer for that other mother to allow her little boy to change and wait in reception he doesn't need to be right beside her while she changes his little sister. ( which is also not on in my books, remember a lot of sexual harassment and abuse is at the hands of a family member, not a stranger in a changing room)

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Engol, just out of interest were there any repercussions in the playground today?

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Very funny... The funniest thing I've read on here in a long time... Thank you!

I was responding on the larger issue but I deleted it. I am the mother of girls, I am clueless... I also go to a pool where there is a ladies' dressing room and a family room (obviously a men's too but I haven't been in there!) so there is a facility for mothers with boys whatever age... This set up is spot on for me.

Again, thanks Eddy!

M