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We have had our third and final child. We have both agreed no more babies,but DH is refusing to have the snip,I am feeling rather upset and confused about this.I have carried and given birth, by section to our three lovely children and think that this is the least he can do.He says that he does not want to go through an anesthetic and have surgery when it is not needed ( think he is afraid that it may affect his sensation!!) I do not want the coil or the pill.

Anyone any advice?

he needs to talk to someone who's had the op. any of his friends had it?

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can't figure out how to change my ticker but i'm 2 kg down. woo hoo. slow but steady.

He can have it under local anesthetic in the Family planning clinic I think so that should remove that issue for him.

If he does his research he will find it doesn't affect anything except his fertility.

ETA: http://www.ifpa.ie/eng/Men%E2%80%99s-Se ... /Vasectomy

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Mr Munches is 8.75 years old
Little Oss Bossy is 5.5 years old
Little Miss Tiny is 2.25 years old

Yes one guy,who opted for local anesthetic,why I don't know,but it did not go to plan and he has had problems. I am getting annoyed with DH and think it is selfish and whilst I am trying tobe understanding,am hugely frustrated and down right piseed off with him if I am honest!

For god sake, he needs to man up and get on with it.

Its a minor procedure not major surgery, its done under local anesthetic and takes about 30mins to do.

DH had it done, no pain, some bruising for a few days after and that was it.

No affect on sensation & worry free sex for ever after.



What does he suggest you do if you don't get the coil or use the pill. This is not your sole responsibility.

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Leela

Leela: OK, this has gotta stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can.
Farnsworth: You're going to do his laundry?

No he is happy for me not to have the coil, thinks we are ok with condoms.But I do not like them for obvious reasons.

He's afraid a vasectomy will affect sensation but happy to use condoms??

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Two lovely girls aged 3 and 1

What does he have to say about the risk of getting pregnant even if you use condoms?

How would he react if you said you didn't want to use condoms, as it affects YOUR sensation.

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Leela

Leela: OK, this has gotta stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can.
Farnsworth: You're going to do his laundry?

Dh has it done in June...10 minutes it took one friday and he was back playing football on the tuesday

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DD1 16 years
DD2 8 years
DS is 2 1/2
Angel 7/5/01 8 weeks

If someone doesn't want to have a medical procedure that affects their fertiliy forever I honestly don't think it is fair to say "he should just man up and get on with it"

I find the mirena really good.

Or you could keep going with the condoms and wait for him to get sick of them and decide to have the job done.

I'm going to be honest, if he really doesn't want to have it, then you'll have to respect that. If you think it's based on misguided fear then he needs to discuss those with a qualified health professional and I wouldn't accept no for an answer on that. But if after that, he still isn't happy to go ahead, then I think it is his call in the end. It is his fertility that's being challenged and he has to have the ulimate say on it.

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Mr Munches is 8.75 years old
Little Oss Bossy is 5.5 years old
Little Miss Tiny is 2.25 years old

If he's just being chicken about the op, them he just needs to man the hell up!
But if there's even the teeny tiniest bit of doubt in his mind about maybe wanting more kids, then I think it's fair enough.

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That's the best response of all.

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Proud mum of 3. DD1 Skinny Minny 10! DD2 My Sensitive Soul 8! DS The Bulldozer A big 6!!!!!!!!!

I would never force him into doing it,but just feel as I do not want any more babies, as 1. I am too old and 2. I have had three sections and do not want another pregnancy or section!

agree totally - this is more than a man up and get on with it issue.

It's his decision & if he doesn't want it then he shouldn't have to do it.

What if it was a dh insisting on his dw having her tubes tied & she didn't want to?

But does he want more children or is he happy your family is finished?

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Leela

Leela: OK, this has gotta stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can.
Farnsworth: You're going to do his laundry?

My DH wouldn't get it done either so since i don't want anymore kids i got the mirena coil fitted and am very happy with it. I would never force him to get it done if he didn't want to.


agree with overhere

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I have every sympathy with you CocoM. I also had 3 and c sections and was so done. I can't bear condoms - plus I think the failure rate is too high for my liking. DH would have done the job if I wanted but I didn't - not sure why. i use the mirena and it has been working great.

+1
And as overhere descibes I have every sympathy.
It would be by far the easiest solution here too (for me that is ) and DH would get it done if we felt he should but for some reason I didnt want him to (And defintely not because we might want another..that's out of the question).
I think I have a little fear about procedures which are not 100% necessary too so I see it from his side.

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DD1/9
DS/7
DD2/2
Much longed for angels we never got to hold in this world.

Whilst a small part of me agrees with you Overhere most of me doesn't. In the context of a committed marriage where both partners are sure that they don't want anymore children to me it seems very selfish of a man to refuse to consider a vasectomy. Pregnancy and labour are bloody tough on a woman's body, add in sections and in order to have a family women's bodies pay a heavy toll for a family.

All worth it without a doubt but for me if my DH then refused to consider a vasectomy I would be very,very, very upset. I don't think I would be able to get past the inequality in terms of contribution to making babies and preventing further babies. And vasectomies have an 80% success rate for reversal as well so it is not as final as it sounds.

Part of me would get very stroppy and refuse to have sex if he wasn't willing to seriously consider it, the other grown up part of me would discuss it with him and tell him how hurt I felt that he was willing for me to go through pregnancies with all the associated risks and Permanent changes to my body and now he won't consider a simple straightforward op to sort out birth control. And for me this would be damaging to my marriage. I would see it as very selfish and it would change the nature of our relationship.

Have you established whether he doesn't want to have the procedure because of the procedure itself or because he isn't sure about the implications for his body?

It doesn't have to be anything dodgy or suspect if he isn't sure he's ready to be 'sterilized'. It's as big a decision for a man as it is for a woman to change their fertility 'status'. He'll have to let go of any possibility of any further children, so that's a big deal. Maybe he just needs more time.

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Two lovely girls aged 3 and 1

There are plenty of other options - http://www.thinkcontraception.ie
I have the implant though i'm not ready for positive feedback just yet. I'm not pregnant though
In fairness to him, if he doesn't want it then i don't think you should be that mad. How would you feel if he suggested steralisation?

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'Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans'
John Lennon (Beautiful boy, Double Fantasy 1980)

You got there ahead of me .

Am actually a bit gobsmacked at the tone of the first few responses.
Obviously, the OP is stuck in the middle of this situation, so I can understand her being a bit upset at the moment. But, for disinterested bystanders to say reply with a "FFS-whats-his-problem-the-silly-fool" type answers is a bit daft.

What if the OP said that her DH was putting pressure on her to use a diaphragm but she didn't want to and he was getting annoyed at her? Or, if her DH was getting ticked off because she wouldn't get the mirena??
I can imagine the tone of the responses would be very different......


That is correct. And, the flip side of that statement is that "this is not your sole decision to make".

So what if she has decided that she doesn't like condoms and doesn't want to use the coil or the pill and she has therefore decided that he will get a vasectomy? Does he not get to have any role in the decision making process?