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Hi girls
I was born and grew up in Ireland and have recently moved abroad, don't want to say where in case I'm recognised by friends.....let's just say it's a 90 min flight away. I am extremely close to my family, my mum is like my best friend and I really miss seeing them a couple of times a week. I only moved in October and my parents came over at the start of November for a couple of days and then I went home with my boys at the end of November and then we all went back for Christmas. My parents are coming again next week. So in a way I've been quite spoiled and seeing them a lot. We moved here as DH got a very good job opportunity, he literally spent about a year persuading me, not continuously but it seemed to keep raising it's head. Now I'm here I'm not totally unhappy and I came with an open mind and have started learning the language etc, joining toddler groups etc and have already met a good few other mums who are lovely so I really don't have a bad life. Plus we can afford a really big house plus for me not to work and I reaslise this is a complete luxury these days so I can spend lots of time with my children. So as I'm writing this I feel really ungrateful. I'm generally quite content but from time to time get bouts of loneliness, my DH is really concerned and asks what exactly it is I'm missing - friends/family or what but I think it boils down to jsut being homesick for everything to do with Ireland. I know I'm not here long but DH said last night that he is now wondering if we should pack everything in and go back, I would then need to work 5 day week and he would mind the children (his job is not common in Ireland) - he had his own business before we left but it was very quiet at the end. That option looks bleak when I think about it.
So I'm really just looking for anyone who has dealt with homesickness? For a while I thought I was getting depression as I felt so low at times (happens for just a couple of days at a time usually) and it's just like PMS, I'm iratable and really emotional, just can't stop crying (hiding it from the rest of the family for the most part but my DH often notices my state). But now I don't think it's depression as such, I think I'm just extremely homesick.
Maybe things will get better. But I can't think long term at all, my DH says if things aren't working out we should go back before our first boy is in school - it has been a huge adjustment for him so far, he's in playschool now and has started picking up the language etc. I think I'd be fine to stay 2-3 years if I knew we'd be back in Ireland long term but DH thinks it would be unfair to our oldest as he would be well settled in school by then. I agree with him in a way but think at age 6 or 7 he'd still be young enough to adjust quickly.

Sorry for the rant (maybe I should post it in that section too) but just feeling really confused about what to do.
Thanks

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My big boy is 4 years old
My small boy is 2 years old

Have PM'd you.

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DS 24/08/2004
DD1 08/03/2006
DD2 15/06/2008

I moved to the US years ago for DH's job. we didn't have children at the time. I will never forget the homesickness - it was brutal. I cried constantly for the first week. I always remember standing in a pizza place our first night and ordering my pizza with the tears rolling down my cheeks. I would go to mass and sit at the back crying (god knows what they thought of me). It was horrible. It lasted about 2 weeks at that awful level and then on and off for a while. I was like a child sent to boarding school. But it did go away - you just have to work through it. What helped me was my best friend came and stayed with me for about 3 weeks early on. She was very positive about everything and had been homesick herself when she left Ireland years before so was very helpful. Also, it wasn't just missing Ireland etc. I used to feel so sad watching friends together or mothers and daughters shopping together. DH also thought the first weeks in that we'd have to go home but even then I kind of knew I would feel better eventually.

Anyway, my post probably hasnt made you feel much better but what I wanted to say is it does get better - and that awful feeling will go away. we went back to Ireland after a few months and when we came back my neighbour (I had become friendly with her) had left milk in the fridge and a bunch of flowers on the table and I felt "I'm home". Making friends helped. By the time I got a job 3 months in, I was much much better (although i got homesick for my old job all over again when i started work but it didn't last long). Honestly it goes away. the more you integrate into the society you live in the better it gets. It eventually just goes away. It is very early days for you yet - and to be honest going back so often probably makes it hard. I found saying goodbye to my family was v. hard. I don't think I could have done it again for a few months. We have a lovely life here now - did right from the start. I've met people and made friends I never would have if I hadn't moved here. And while I still miss people at home I have kept up with most friends etc. - and I am a 5 hour flight away. 90 mins makes it very easy to make events/keep in touch/keep your children in touch.

homesick is a very particular emotion - I could almost feel it like a physical feeling in my chest. It wasn't being sad or worried or even lonely - it is pure homesick (well named). It does go away.

I moved to France in 2003 and the first few months were horrendous. I couldn't ring home without bawling my eyes out. DH was BF at that time and he must have thought he'd brought a basketcase over from Ireland.

I really hadn't thought that moving would be so difficult but it was all the little things that made France different to Ireland that were really hard to handle (not even the language). It was the fact of being in a country where I didn't understand the unwritten rules. Everytime I went back to Ireland during the first 2 years it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders because I just understood everything in Ireland without even trying or worrying that I was getting something wrong.

It took about 3 years for me to really feel like France was home but the really horrible homesickness only lasted about 2 months and the first month was definitely the worst. It got better once I got a routine going. In a way having all the visitors might not be helping you because it means you are not getting a routine set up. I moved in May 2003, I had one visitor for 5 days and didn't go back to Ireland until October. I was afraid that if I went back I wouldn't want to go back to France.

For the kids I would agree with you that age 6/7 is not too late to move back to Ireland (I wouldn't worry about it until they get over 10 years old). We live in Tunisia, our youngest was born here and when we move back to France in 2013 we will have lived for 4 years in Tunisia. Our kids will be aged 7, 5 and 3 when we move back to France. As you'd be moving back to Ireland, it's a country that your kids will know well so I really wouldn't worry about that.

Hope that you feel better soon. If the quality of life is better where you are I would stick with it.

Do they speak english where you are living? That would have been a deal breaker for me. We have only ever gone away with the intention of coming back, but, it can still be hard settling in somewhere. In some ways you have probably seen too much of your family since you have been away because you have not had a chance or a reason to settle in iykwim?

It does get easier, we did a 3 year stint in Australia and one year in Canada. I would go back to Oz in a heartbeat but, not so much to Canada.

It is hard to go out and get involved, but, it does help.

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The smallest boy is 3
The bigger boy is 4
They have a little baby sister

I was away for 3 years and for the first one I was miserable. I just missed people - friends and family. We were in Australia so didn't go home but for the first 6 months we had a string of visitors and I actually think that made it worse as a week or two after they'd left I got depressed. The big change for me was making a few friends and actively doing stuff with them - a girlie lunch, nights out and shopping. It served two purposes - meant I wasn't hanging off DH all the time, and took my mind off missing my friends at home. Also its important to have friends from the country you are in - not just expats as they help you settle into the country too.
In the beginning when we went we had no real plan around how long we'd stay and I think that made things worse, it wasn't until we decided that we were staying for good that I actually settled as I knew I'd to make the most of it. As it turned out we came home after 3 years for family reasons but I'd go back now and I know it wouldn't be as bad if you not what I mean .....in fact I cried the night I was leaving to come home as I knew I would miss it and I still do - although we've been back a few times. I think you need to make a 'temporary' decision now that you are staying for x amount of time as if you don't it will be harder to settle. If you decide now you are staying for 5 years it doesn't mean you have to but it means you can move on for now and re-evaluate in a year or two when you will be more settled.
Hope that helps
Pot

Hi girls,
This is just a quick note to say a huge thanks for taking the time to reply, all your notes made me feel like I'm not going completely mad!
Once the spring kicks in I think it will be more exciting to be here too as we can get out more, at the moment I'm pegging it to shops/school etc. We also sold our second car at home as it was old so now DH drives to work and I am without car which is hard to get used to also. The playschool, shops etc are nearby but for a decent shopping centre or to go to the mum and toddler group I need to get the bus so I guess it's a lot of changes all in all.
The point about saying good bye again and again is a good one, I think that makes sense that I feel down after seeing my folks and they are home or I'm back here.
Settling in a new country can't be rushed I suppose. Most people do have good english here but as someone pointed out it's still isolating having to get to know the unwritten rules and also I feel I'm a bit of a burden when people have to speak english to me. Am getting started on learning the language though so that will be a project for me.
It makes me relieved to think that going back in a couple of years would be ok for the lads too, I'll have to talk to DH properly about that. Thanks again x

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My big boy is 4 years old
My small boy is 2 years old