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My husband and I just began TTC. I tested a few days ago and am not pregnant. Now, that being said, there are some child services issues happening within our family.

My husband's long estranged sister has three children, ages 13, 4, and a newborn baby about 2 months old. She has been on-again, off-again in the drug department and with the new baby, there have been some investigations. The longest she has stayed clean is about a year at most. She was usually good about staying clean while pregnant. The 13-year old has some mental and developmental set backs that aren't too bad and the 4-year old has some sensory issues, but otherwise everyone is perfectly healthy. The children have been passed around among the family members who still speak with her and given temp. custody but no one has made the move to adopt.

Anyway, we got a call last night that she had OD'd. Automatically, we asked about the children and where they were going. They said that is why they called, to see if we would take them in.

Now, money is not really an issue. Sure, it may be a bit tight but nothing we can't get through.

The attorney said my husband and I would have to do a lot of paperwork before we adopted, but that for now, he is filing for temporary custody which is about 3 months and he'll have to keep renewing if it takes longer. He said he is treating this as an emergency situation and our home study, the filing, and the court orders should all be done shortly. He said the earliest we could have them is tomorrow, if the temporary custody paperwork goes through.

I was just wondering about peoples experience with adopting a family member's child, whether they relinquished their rights or died?

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Wife to James.
Mother to:
DD9
DS6
DS2

i don't have any experience but why not consider foster caring for these children? then you can be eligible for a fosters carers payment and it would not be so tight.

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take your fear and turn it into determination - PWCF

You wouldn't have the same rights as just a foster carer. Op if you can adopt rather than foster the children and everyone is in agreement then this is the best option for the children. IMO. Sorry I can't offer advice but just want to say best of luck with it. Have worked with the adoption board and they can go at a snails pace. You need plenty of patience with them.

Thank you.

He said we aren't really foster parents. We will be custodians seeing as it is an emergency situation.

We don't even need a homestudy. Just paper work, paper work, and more paper work

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Wife to James.
Mother to:
DD9
DS6
DS2

perhaps not but you would have all the responsibilities of a parent with the back up of a care team which you could need if the children have special needs. I am thinking of it from the POV of the older children - they know their mother as their mother and might not understand why their mother "gave them up" for adoption. Can i ask why it would be in the best for the child? I'm genuinely curious.

OP i think what you are doing is genuinely wonderful in this day and age.

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take your fear and turn it into determination - PWCF

Well, if their birth mum has ongoing problems, I think it would be better for the children to have the stability of adoptive parents. Foster parents have very little rights, sometimes none at all. I pressume as the op is family it would be an open adoption where the children still have contact with their first parents.
As an adoptive parent you have plenty of access to social workers and they do encourage you seek help if its needed.

I'm sorry.

I guess I didn't really make myself clear.

The mother OD'd and she passed.

All the children have different fathers and only the 4yo's father is known, but he wants nothing to do with him.

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Wife to James.
Mother to:
DD9
DS6
DS2

I'm so sorry to hear that and sorry I took you up wrong. I'm glad you have the chance of adopting the children and do hope it works out well for you.
I am a foster mum and also an adoptive mum and it really is brilliant, once you get past all the paperwork that is. Good luck for the future.

Wow, that is a huge step for you. I'm delighted for the kids they have such a loving couple to look after them.
Best of luck to you both.

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NO advice sorry but wanted to wish you luck and say that it is an amazing and caring thing your doing.

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That's alright, dora, I apologize for not being clear to begin with.

Thank you, ASCST.

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Wife to James.
Mother to:
DD9
DS6
DS2

oh i'm sorry i didn't get the person had died.
I hope your paperwork goes without a hitch. You are doing a great thing - i can't imagine taking 3 children is going to be anything but a hugely rewarding however challenging experience. Good on you.

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take your fear and turn it into determination - PWCF

Oh, I hadn't copped that the poor lady had died. Best of luck to you, hope the paperwork goes well. I'll be thinking of you.

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Formerly WayO but couldn't reset my log in details





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bb - am I correct in thinking you also have 3 children of your own?

Have you spoken to your older children about this, while what you are doing is fantastic and very noble you do also have to make sure that your birth children understand what is happening.

Do these children know you? The poor little mites, they have just lost their mother, where are they now?

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The smallest boy is 3
The bigger boy is 4
They have a little baby sister

OMG bb that is the saddest thing ever, those poor los, I must say I think what you are doing is absolutely wonderfull - I have no advice for you except that I think your great, I hope it works out for everybody involved.

fair play to you bb, it's not an easy thing to do but i admire you and your husband very much, id imagine you'll give these children a very good life, especially as they wont be bouncing around in care and/or separated. good luck with this and my deepest sympathies to your family (especially the children in question) for your loss, i hope things go smoothly for you

Ticketyboo- yes, we have three children.

Gypsy- Yes, we have talked to them. My 9yo pretty much understands. The 6yo gets the gist of the situation. We are most definitely thinking of our children in this situation. Our hands are somewhat tied though. Send these children into foster care and risk them being separated, abused, etc. or taking them in. No, we have never met these children, that is the biggest problem. We are talking to the lawyer about all of our options. Therapy is starting right away. Being as they live in New York, the paperwork will take a bit longer so the therapy might help it be easier for them to move in. They will be coming on weekends for a bit to get them used to us. For now, they will be placed in foster care in New York.

We are still trying to figure everything out and I appreciate all the support you have all shown. Thank you.

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Wife to James.
Mother to:
DD9
DS6
DS2

Hi bb10083,

Both you & your DH are doing a very admirable thing, fair play to you.

Will it take long to get all the paper work sorted and will the children have to stay in fostercare until the adoption is sorted.

Are you based in the Ireland or the US? If you are in Ireland, does it make it more difficult to sort out the paperwork & how do you think the children will react to moving to another country?

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Leela

Leela: OK, this has gotta stop. I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can.
Farnsworth: You're going to do his laundry?