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In an ideal world, he should pay 50% of her actual expenses. The reality appears to very different. I have seen written somewhere that the max awarded in family court will be 150€ per child per week. If larger amounts are sought needs to go to another court- can't remember exact details. If you do take him to court the Judge tends to look at what he can afford to pay as opposed to what child actually costs.

Write out a spreadsheet of your household and dd other costs, include as much info as you can. Include evrything that can be attributed to household, rent, food, Dan, gas, NTL, tv license, bins etc.
Sub-total all your household expenses and halve that amount, add in your dd other expenses. Subtract your child benefit and divide balance in two, this is how much he should pay, if there is a significant difference, why not take him to court?

No harm trying. Is he working? That will have bearing obviously.

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There's a story behind every person, a reason why they are the way they are, think about that before you judge someone.

Just make sure he can afford to pay more or pay what he is paying.. they could lower it..this happened to a guy in work he was delighted with himself...

i took my ex to court after 10 years of being messed around. court says he has to pay €60 per week, half christmas half school half medical and half after school. thats what i asked for

i got half school €100 for christmas and €60p/w because that comes out of his wages

I'm in the same boat..........I currently get 160 a week (court awarded) and he wants to reduce it to 80 along with his access He only sees her twice a month as it is and now wants to reduce it to once as it a 'financial strain he can no longer justify'.
We work in the same job and we have both suffered the same pay cuts....and the cost of raising dd has not dropped

I sat down and worked out the cost of raising dd. It came to over 350 euro a week - that was as brutal as including the rent I would get for her bedroom, her share of the heat, esb, bins, and then food, clothes, afterschool activities, creche, school charges ( as we all know free education is a joke), medical expenses, birthday, christmas etc etc etc

I went to see a solr at the FLAC and she said that SW currently recommend maintance of 60 euro a week and some judges are sticking by this.

The system is a joke. If fathers want rights then with rights come responsibilities - and that includes properly maintaining those children.

Oh time to stop typing, I am getting annoyed. Sorry I am of no assistance to you. but the current system is a bloody joke.

ok so maybe I need to get muy ass down to the unpopular opinions thread tonight but 350 a week? seriously?

Yep, I'm too lazy to get my ass off the sofa to get the figures, but when it is all coldly and brutally written out, it came to that. Even DF was gobsmacked that having kids could cost so much, but as I pointed out thats the joys of creche fees, they bump it up no end.

Never thought of creche fees, jaysus! I really don't want to think about it...

Is that after your child benefit? Wow.

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There's a story behind every person, a reason why they are the way they are, think about that before you judge someone.

Yep, and when you add up every receipt every thing you spend it is frightening how much you spend. Esp when you have a dd that won't stop growing, and has the biggest appetite going (just to feed the growth spurt that hasn't stopped yet).
It just kills me, that I would go without just to make sure that either dd won't go without - where he can just saunter in and decide **** dd, I can't afford it so I'm cutting the amount I give to keep her.
Jesus if I were to be that clinical about dd, and say hey, I want my old life back so I won't pay anymore that X amount on you every week (to feed, clothe, care, have her minded etc) Social Services would sweep in and take her away for neglect and emotional abuse at the very least. It just sickens me. It really does.

Can he afford it Squeak that is the question you need to ask 130 a week was a lot my ex has a great job and i am not getting 130 a week per child . I have to say i do not expect my ex to contribute to the boys savings account as that is not a nessasary expense in my eyes. The judge will look at everything and as someone rightly pointed out if he is not on a big income etc it could actually be reduced .It is a big drop from 130 to 65 a week i agree . The judge will look at both your incomes and if yours in more than his might award a lesser amount to be paid from him to you ,

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If you go before a judge and tell them it costs 350 a week to raise your child, he will very quickly tell you to make cutbacks. The expenses sheet won't be about any losses you make on not being able to rent out a room because dd needs it and he will tell you to cut back on afterschool activities if you can't afford it. Maintenance is not about getting half of their perchieved costs but is a contribution, you will never get half the costs, as unfair as that seems. I know because Ive been to court so many times now and will in fact be going back this month.

Afterschool activities are a choice, have you spoke to your ex about contributing towards them?

I have a child with special needs and her costs don't come to anything like 350 a week. Seriously if you go to court, you need to be revising your figures or you are in a for a big shock!

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Treat life's problems like your dog would... if you can't eat it or shag it... PISS ON IT!!!

Well the ex says he can't rent a room out so is down income, so why can't I? (this was done in court nearly 6 years ago).

Typical double standards in the courts in this country - my point is, 60, 70, 80 euro goes no where near the real cost of raising a child in this country, especially when some faf have what are deemed 'good well paid jobs', whereas the mothers (in most cases) are left to scrape by on the pittance awarded. Especialy if the parent who has custody, needs to e the extotiaate rates of childcare.

Double standards are just bloody irritating. As I said already, if I were to treat dd1 the way the ex does, she'd be in care. But then thats what makes me a mammy, a parent (not a faf), is that I won't let that happen to dd1.

OP, I feel your pain. I am at the stage now after getting the letter from the ex, that I just very nearly can't be arsed fighting with him as I don't want the stress or upset of it affect dd1, dd2, df or me. ANd I know the fighting really got to me last time, and I just want to focus on the good in my life atm, maybe even just decide to follow dd1s wishes and stop the access and let her decide if and when she wants to see him.

My advice OP, is try not to let the anger consume yo - the fight really got under my skin last time, upset me and life is too short for that.

Your ex won't get away with it either. He will have to fill out exactly the same expense sheet. Of course the money you get goes nowhere near what you pay out but that is the joys of being a single parent. The judge won't want to know about renting rooms, he is only interested in the childs expenses, not the money you can't make because you can't rent a room. The judge would find that very petty and could even rule against you. Your ex will be able to mention the costs of travelling to see dd if he lives far from you and this could go against you and you end up with less maintenace.

My child has lots of expenses, travel to several appointments a week, special clothing, equipment/adaptions, oversea's appointments etc and I can tell you even when I had receipts in court it make no difference. Yes I do agree that they get away with murder but making up expenses is only gonna piss the judge off and you really don't want to do that.

Edited to also add that as you have a DF, it would be expected that he pays his share of the expenses which therefore means that your expenses will be less. Although he is not responsible for your dd, it would be expected that he is paying half the rent or morgage, bins, utility bills, car etc. Be prepared for this in court.

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Treat life's problems like your dog would... if you can't eat it or shag it... PISS ON IT!!!

Hard question to answer.

But one thing you will need to do imo is change the basis on which his contribution is being calculated. When she's in secondary with no after school cost will he just decide to cut his contribution to half her swimming costs? You need an agreement based on food, clothing, housing/heating, medical expenses - that type of thing, basic essentials that will be there til she is 23 years old. IMO the after school costs are on top of that. Then you're left with a question about the non-essentials like after school activities. You might end up with the same money but it will mean he can't cut it willy-nilly.

www.solo.ie used to have a good spreadsheet with all the headings you should include. Treoir has a leaflet on-line about maintenance also.

If you do go to court you will both have to fill out a really detailed statement of means with income, outgoings, savings, assets etc.

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Mum to three summer babies ... 2000, 2005, 2008.

Would he respond to a letter from a solicitor pointing out that going to court should not be necessary but that the basis on which the maintenance is calculated is not acceptable? You could negotiate through solicitors without actually going to court. You can then take the negotiated agreement and get it made an order of the court if you want to.

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Mum to three summer babies ... 2000, 2005, 2008.

Just on the costs of raising a child. If a child is in crèche that could be €200 per week or more before food, clothes, light, heat or anything else. On the cost of housing child surely there'd is an increased cost between the bedsit a single person could live in and the 2 bed place you need if you have a child?

Of course there is Claire, but the problem is courts tend to look at what noncustodial parent can afford after their own expenses are met rather than what a child actually costs. In my case my x giving his parents money for rent was more important than paying for school uniforms.

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There's a story behind every person, a reason why they are the way they are, think about that before you judge someone.

I know that, I was commenting on the people who didn't believe it could cost €350 per week.

I would go to court tbh,what's to stop him reducing it even lower in the future? You can represent yourself in court so you wouldn't have those costs either.

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Sometimes, you're making so much noise in your life you don't hear the things that really matter. Like the shattering splinter of hurtful words, the quiet erosion of trust, or the breaking of a heart that makes no sound at all.

A solicitor will cost you about €500 for the summons and the court appearance. You can represent yourself (including issuing the summons) but would your ex believe you?

A solicitors letter to your ex suggesting potential court action will cost you about €150.

As you said already his pay slips could be very creative to work in his favour BUT a judge should have an idea of what a fully qualified full time employed carpenter would earn.

I would advocate getting your maintenance court ordered before he gets married and before she gets any older so that he can't decide to drop it further. You don't even have to think about secondary school. As soon as she goes into 1st class she will be in school and hour longer and therefore using 5 hours less after school care a week.

The solo.ie spreadsheet is great in principal but there is a calculation error in it that won't effect you but does effect anyone who is working out maintenance for more than one child.

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It is cheaper and quicker to go to court. As had been said it gives you the added peace of mind that court ordered maintenance gives. I would highly recommend taking court action. Worst case it will remain as is but at least he couldn't unilaterally reduce it again.

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Best of luck Squeak

Maybe you can come back under a new name when things have settled ??

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DD1 19yrs an angel
*Some people dream of angels, we got to hold one in our arms*
DD2 16
DS 7
DD3 5

“I don’t regret for one moment anything that I did. I just regret the things I didn’t do"

Best of luck squeak. Go to the district court office and make an application for maintenance,they will do the rest He'll be sent a summons for court and you will both appear in front of the judge,bring a spreadsheet of your expenditure,including a letter/receipt from the creche if you can.

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Sometimes, you're making so much noise in your life you don't hear the things that really matter. Like the shattering splinter of hurtful words, the quiet erosion of trust, or the breaking of a heart that makes no sound at all.

One last thing struck me - I don't know if you're still at your parents or if you've moved out but the court will look at the current situation and not what you're hoping or planning to do. They won't award increased maintenance in order for you to change your living arrangements. Just something to keep in mind (may not be relevant if you've already moved out).

Best of luck.

btw, the comments on costs of solicitor negotiation versus court depend on which court you're attending, which in turn depends on levels of maintenance being sought. Circuit court will cost you significantly more.

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Mum to three summer babies ... 2000, 2005, 2008.