MagicMum.com

In a bit of shock/what if ??? situation here, Im not sure if i posted here before (think i did ) when DH decided to try and get his medical history. Any how long story short the hse area over his adoption records had no info or contact details for any natural family. At the time we registered with adoption ireland .com but tbh havent really gone through it too much in the last few months. So with time on my hands today i was looking at the contact register they have and a natural family member is looking for adopted person born same date as DH in same possible place

Wondering if any of you MM who are adopted have used this register? Would there be a lot of adopted people with a couple of similar details born on same day or would DH be getting hopes up needlessly?
Hes not home yet and i dont even now how hes going to react to the news . He had become used to the idea there was not going to be any contact or details
My hearts pounding a mile a minute and Im not directly involved

hi there
it is possible that its someone else they are looking for but also entirely possible it is your dh.
you have to contact adoption irelands office and they will explain how to make contact with the other party.

good luck to him, i sincerely hope he is the person they are looking for. keep some bit of personal detail to your self so you can be sure they have the right person.

best wishes
clare

Thanks Clare, I remember talking to you before after i first joined MM
DH has come in and hes a bit shocked tbh , he knows its up to him to make the contact when hes ready so hes going to think about it for a few days .
Clare we put very little details tbh and i think it will be a long slow process if this is the correct person cos he truly thought no one wanted to know him or contact him
Going to let DH take it in

He will need some time to get his head around it, even if he is not the person they are looking for it will open up new scenarios for him and quite a few what if's ?

dont be surprised if he is not his usual self, it can range from sheer terror cos once you meet your own flesh and blood ( not kids) you can never be the person you were before - hope that makes sense, excitement at a whole new level of information and connections to utter dispair at being adopted and also delight that you were- so in a nutshell its a complete rollercoaster.

i remember those times a few years ago and envy him the excitement of it and pity him the low moments but whatever way it goes good luck to him and you and well done for supporting him and helping out - it makes a big difference, my dh was my rock and is great buddies with one of my biological brothers
clare

WOW DM that is some news alright.I hope it is a family member thats if you dh want contact.It can be alot for him to take in things always happen when least expected it the way life goes sometimes for the best and sometimes not.

Good luck to you dh with what ever he decides.

_________________


My Beautiful DD is 3yrs old xxx

Thanks girls, rollercoaster is good description I can only imagine how he feels, my heart is in my mouth with all the what ifs and i didnt go thro it
and his adoptive mother will have a fruitcake

hi louise,
let her have a fruit cake, this is about HIM and not her, he does not need to tell her until he feels ready and comfortable, it may not be your dh that the person is loking for so telling her now is a moot point but he should only do what suits him as this is about his flesh and blood, his history etc.

clare

Hope it all works out DM.. You both must be very excited and very anxious at the same time.. Best of luck

_________________
Our Little Man is 6

Thanks girls
Clare thanks for that we will NOT be telling her, like you said its about him. Hes still taking it in and hoping to talk to his brother in a while who had a very successful reunion with his natural family. This is all before he even decides what to do

hey DM
Best of luck to your DH and i really hope it goes well, rollercoaster I can imagine,
I am waiting to meet my sister, she was adopted and we have never met, I wrote her a letter so I am hoping to get a reply soon,
thinking of you and DH

Thanks Ruby shoes, hes thinking about it at the moment, does a really good strong silent type character.
Good luck meeting your sister

Girls, would love some good luck wishes and /or prayers for DH over the next few days.
This morning he is going to right a reply to find out if this possible match could be related to him. He is really nervous . As yet he just wants to get medical details and let his natural family know hes alive and well and happy and has decided he will make any other decisions down the line.
So , would love some good luck wishes that he gets some good news
Thanks

Best of luck to your DH. How exciting and nerve-racking all at the same time!

_________________
Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

Thanks Bedbugs, im a nervous wreck tbh, DH has sent the message and gone back to work , He thinks its probably not a match so not going to think about it worry about it til he gets reply. At the same time hes really quiet and thoughtful. I dont even know what way we go next if it is a true match.

good luck to your DH thinking of him, keep us posted,

oh DM good luck to your dh......
just on the topic, my aunt had a baby years ago and in those days she had to stay with her baby until its first birthday, breastfeed it, then on the birthday the NUNS, sent her packing.... her baby was adopted, but she never ever forgot about him. She because of the shame in the 40s of single parenthood never spoke about him, until I had my son, who she said was the spit of hers...... as a young mother who got pregnant prior to marrige, she felt she could tell me her secret. Poor woman got lung cancer, and was dying and I asked will I try and find your son, ( she spoke about him so much) and she said no, he would be ashamed of me, please just let him live his life, and be happy. So we didnt go to find him. She died, and only six months later, my mothers doorbell went, a couple were standing there, mam had no idea who they were. The man said are you xx , mammy said I am, have you a sister xx, I had. He said I am her son. The TRAGIC thing, is he didn't know his mother was dead, and he had found out where mam lived a full year earlier, but was afraid to actually knock on the door. My aunt lived with mammy, ( he didnt know that) . It was so sad, he never met his mother, she never met him, but we told him how she thought of him all the time. He is mad delighted with himself now because he has found family , first cousins etc, and he calls to visit my mother very often. Nothing to do with your story, just letting you know that sometimes the mother is pining for this child all her life, so it can be good to contact each other.

_________________

Biddy- that's so sad.

DM - the very best of luck to your DH, I really hope it works out in the best way for him.

_________________
Damnant quod non intellegunt.

Biddy i just got shivers all over reading your story,
I was a young pregnant girl in 1993 and my doc offered to place me with a family in Donegal to give the child up for adoption . I nearly slapped him (I would be known for not caring what people think as long as i do the right thing and people i love are happy),actually in 1993 when my cousin had her daughter one of the first people at her bedside was the social worker with adoption papers trying to get her to give her dd up for adoption, but thats the way ireland still was in late eighties ,early nineties and it was so much worse in the decades before that. My heart goes out to all the poor young girls and women who were treated so badly.
Enough rant ,sorry.
My BIL has had a very successful reunion with his birth mother and natural family, strange thing is they have lived just over 11 miles away all his life and never knew

Any how thanks girls for all the good wishes, really appreciate them,

DM - That is awful, the best of luck to your DH, I have no doubt it will work out but thtese things take time

Biddy - your story has pulled a heart string, My mam had to give up her 1st born my sister in early 70's she was sent to the Nuns in Cork, anyhow we are very close to meeting, for now letters. We are lucky unlike your aunt but as you siad he has cousins etc,
touching stories x

my first cousin lived in Castlebar all his life, and one of my aunts when she met him said one day you and your wife sat in front of your mother at mass when she stayed with me, thats how close they were, but didnt know it.

_________________

Dm, Your Dh's story really pulled at my heart, i really hope he has a happy outcome.
My aunt gave up her son in the early 1960's, her boyfriend had ben killed in a very tragic plane crash and she was alone and her parents my grandparents sent her to Canada to have her baby, she delivered him, never seen him and came home. but about a year after the adoption sh went looking for him, but Canadian laws are different and she had no joy but continued to look for him all these years but sadly it was all too much for her, and 5 yrs ago she tragically ended her life never knowing anything about her son, then 3 mths after she died we recieved a letter from Canada saying he had made contact and wanted to meet her Its so unbelieveably tragic as not only was she a mum but now she was a grandmother to a beautiful little girl, who will never get to meet her. I haven't met him yet but hopefully we will soon.
She yearned to meet him, it was her life goal but sadly the pain of not knowing what happened to him was to much to bear.
Hugs to you and your DH

_________________
DD1 18yrs an angel
*Some people dream of angels, we got to hold one in our arms*
DD2 16
DS 6
DD3 5

“I don’t regret for one moment anything that I did. I just regret the things I didn’t do"

that is so tragic pinkirish,
I really think for families trying to reunite, the laws should change,
it has taken my parents 14yrs to trace my sister, to find out she in living 5 miles away, itsn't that just mad,

DM, I really hope this turns out good for your DH - thinking of you

Ah pinkirish, that is so sad, tears in my eyes here
Biddy same town BIL birth mother lived all his life
5 miles..ruby, thats crazy.
I think some awful things were done and things werent thought through at all, BIL has 2 natural sisters and 3 brothers the sisters went out in our town to discos and quiet easily they could have met up and dated .
There does seem to be a lot of adoptees living within a few miles of birth mothers/families all their lives without ever knowing about each other.

I for one am glad that society here in Ireland has changed on that front, when a girl finds herself pregnant now, altough a shock its not going to be the most horrific and tramautic time of her life. I so feel for those women. DM like you when I found myself pregnant my gp said to me are you ok? do you need help? what are you going to do? I told him I would tell my parents and that I would be ok, and he said well if you need help just let me know. ( he ment to help me organise adoption) the girl I work with had her baby adopted, her parents forced her to do it, like that her child was taken away at birth, and she spent years wondering about her. Last year her daughter made contact, and my workmate was so thrilled, she came to visit and altough it was hard to just chat, they got into the swing of things and did some mother daughter stuff....... her dd has since returned to the usa, ( where she was adopted)

_________________