Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 59 posts ]  Go to page Previous   1, 2, 3  Next

Who gave you/will give you away?
My father. Its tradition. 54%  54%  [ 104 ]
My mother. 7%  7%  [ 13 ]
My parents. 4%  4%  [ 7 ]
One or both of my grandparents. 1%  1%  [ 1 ]
A relative (ie aunt, uncle, cousin, brother, sister, etc.) 10%  10%  [ 20 ]
One of my children. 2%  2%  [ 3 ]
No one. I wanted to walk it myself. 3%  3%  [ 5 ]
No one. I dont want to be "given" away. 5%  5%  [ 10 ]
I walked it with my fiance/ partner. 9%  9%  [ 17 ]
Other. Please state. 6%  6%  [ 12 ]
Total votes : 192
Author Message
Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 9:55 pm
Offline

Joined
Oct 2007
Posts
18013
pagangoddess wrote:
angelika wrote:
kangaroo wrote:
god the whole 'being someone's possession to be given away' thing never occurred to me.

to me, my uncle walking me up the aisle (down the aisle??) was symbolic of me moving from my family of origin to my new 'family'


+1

I think people clarifying that they don't belong to anyone is a bit unnecessary. I doubt anyone on here thinks their father or their husband owns them :sigh:


Is there not a line in the religious ceremony that says "who gives this woman to be married to this man"?


i don't recall that but even if there is i'd interpret that as being symbolic than suggesting i am some sort of chattel.


Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 9:58 pm
Offline
User avatar

Joined
Nov 2005
Posts
1588
Location
Lovely Limerick
my dad died when i was 9 so always said my mum would do it but she died 6 months before my wedding so my brother gave me away :inlove: think he felt so proud to have such a special honour :inlove:

he joked (i hope!!!!) with dh that he glad he was taking me off their hands :lol: :lol: :lol:

_________________
Image
Image
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 9:59 pm
Offline

Joined
Nov 2009
Posts
800
my brother gave me away


Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 10:01 pm
Offline

Joined
Jul 2004
Posts
7937
Location
Dublin
Quote:
to me, my uncle walking me up the aisle (down the aisle??) was symbolic of me moving from my family of origin to my new 'family'

That's how I viewed it too. I had both my parents escort me. To me it was symbolic of their having brought me to this point in my life, and that I walked from that to my future of being part of a couple and - further in our future - towards being a parent myself. Nothing whatsoever to do with ownership.

_________________
No trees were harmed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 10:02 pm
Offline

Joined
Jul 2009
Posts
11877
pagangoddess wrote:
angelika wrote:
kangaroo wrote:
god the whole 'being someone's possession to be given away' thing never occurred to me.

to me, my uncle walking me up the aisle (down the aisle??) was symbolic of me moving from my family of origin to my new 'family'


+1

I think people clarifying that they don't belong to anyone is a bit unnecessary. I doubt anyone on here thinks their father or their husband owns them :sigh:


Is there not a line in the religious ceremony that says "who gives this woman to be married to this man"?


I didn't have a religious ceremony so I don't know but I don't remember that line from any weddings I've been to.


Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 10:03 pm
Offline
User avatar

Joined
Nov 2006
Posts
3464
Location
Meath
I think people clarifying that they don't belong to anyone is a bit unnecessary. I doubt anyone on here thinks their father or their husband owns them :sigh:[/quote]

Is there not a line in the religious ceremony that says "who gives this woman to be married to this man"?[/quote]

i don't recall that but even if there is i'd interpret that as being symbolic than suggesting i am some sort of chattel.[/quote]

But where do you think such lines came from? The time (not all that terribly long ago) when women WERE chattels. And by having someone 'give' us away are we not perpetuating outdated sexist attitudes?

_________________
Goddesses are women in the neighbourhood getting together and sharing
There's only one way of life and that's your own

My first little baba, mmc July 2006, never forgotten

Image

http://www.misebandia.wordpress.com - my blog


Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 10:07 pm
Offline

Joined
Jul 2007
Posts
12384
The tradition of being given away by your father arises from a time when women WERE a possession to be given away. As does the tradition of asking her father for permission to marry her.
Why does the husband to be not march in with his parents/family to symbolise the moving from one family to another?

Can you guess that nobody gave me away?! DH and I walked in together.

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 10:11 pm
Offline
User avatar

Joined
Apr 2008
Posts
1738
Location
Laois
DH's dad gave me away. We got married in Rome and my parents couldn't go and as the other couples had people giving them away so DH's dad stepped in.

I would have loved my dad to give me away.

_________________
DD1 - 8
DD2 - 5 and a half
DS - 3


Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 10:34 pm
Offline
User avatar

Joined
Feb 2007
Posts
3996
My Dad gave me away and I will always treasure that moment in my heart forever.

Laura.


Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 10:54 pm
Offline
User avatar

Joined
Jul 2004
Posts
5439
Location
Dublin
My mother. My dad was dead. If he had been alive I don't think I would have thought to ask Mum as well, but it was lovely to have her with me.

_________________
DD 10
DS1 8
DS2 6


Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 11:03 pm
Offline
User avatar

Joined
Jun 2007
Posts
15147
Location
Here!
My dad walked me down the aisle

kimbaby wrote:
But, I loved the part that was just me and him
In the house, getting into the car together, holding his hand when the nerves kicked in arriving at the village where the church was. Nice memories :)


Like Kimbaby, i really loved the while we had in the car chatting and holding my hand. The two of us giggled the length of a very long aisle and then he lifted my vail and gave my hand to dh as me and dh went up onto the alter together. :inlove:

_________________
Image

He who says 'I can', He who says 'I can't' - both are usually right!


Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 11:28 pm
Offline

Joined
Sep 2007
Posts
6880
Overhere wrote:
I wasn't "given away". My lovely father escorted me and held my hand as I went to make one of the most important commitments of my life. I wouldn't have dreamed of having anyone else. asking my mother to go with us would have meant nothing to her and would have detracted from a moment he was very proud of.


This was my experience. No way was my Dad thinking he was "giving me away". He knows me too well. We giggled our way up the aisle, I have a gorgeous pic of him with the widest of grins. It was lovely, he was so proud and happy for me and he gave DH a big hug too. I'll never forget it.


Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 11:38 pm
Offline

Joined
Jul 2007
Posts
12384
Mafrac wrote:
Overhere put it very well. My father escorted me down the aisle. It's just a nice thing to do if it is possible and circumstances allow. I didn't feel like I was being handed over as a chattel, my husband didn't think it and neither did my father so I couldn't care less if anyone outside of us three thought different.

Of course nobody thinks that. It is simply that you were continuing a tradition which originated in that way. That's all I have against it.
I don't even like the tradition of the woman going down the aisle while the man just arrives without ceremony.

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 11:46 pm
Offline

Joined
Jul 2007
Posts
12384
Mafrac wrote:
But I just don't kind of care. I pick and choose. I'd have hated the whole naff asking permission to marry you thing but I like the walking down the aisle thing. Isn't that what life is about? Picking the things you like and rejecting those you don't?

Yep, I have no issue with that!

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 12:49 am
Offline
User avatar

Joined
Aug 2004
Posts
15086
My Dad died when I was 13 but even before that, as a young child, I was determined that no-one was going to walk down the aisle with me unless it was the person I was marrying. Nor was I going to wear a big white dress.

DH and I did just that, even in the registry office, our family & friends were already seated and we walked in holding hands :inlove: I think my Dad would have approved, he was the one who taught me about equality and feminism in the first place :D :bigups:

_________________
Jean

"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe" - Carl Sagan

Image
Image
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 12:59 am
Offline

Joined
Dec 2010
Posts
3652
-


Last edited by chchca on Sat May 12, 2012 5:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 8:02 am
Offline

Joined
Oct 2006
Posts
3982
pagangoddess wrote:
I think people clarifying that they don't belong to anyone is a bit unnecessary. I doubt anyone on here thinks their father or their husband owns them :sigh:


Is there not a line in the religious ceremony that says "who gives this woman to be married to this man"?[/quote]

i don't recall that but even if there is i'd interpret that as being symbolic than suggesting i am some sort of chattel.[/quote]

But where do you think such lines came from? The time (not all that terribly long ago) when women WERE chattels. And by having someone 'give' us away are we not perpetuating outdated sexist attitudes?[/quote]

but sure you could say the same about getting an engagment ring. i think that in this day an age everyone is aware of equality and womens lib, and that sometimes its just 'nice' to have a tradition.


Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 8:10 am
Offline
User avatar

Joined
Aug 2004
Posts
15086
kasakins wrote:

but sure you could say the same about getting an engagment ring. i think that in this day an age everyone is aware of equality and womens lib, and that sometimes its just 'nice' to have a tradition.


I didn't/don't have an engagement ring - we bought a car instead :)

_________________
Jean

"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe" - Carl Sagan

Image
Image
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 8:46 am
Offline

Joined
Jun 2006
Posts
832
My brother gave me away. My Dad died 6 years before we got married. Had he been alive he certainly would have done it and I would have loved that!

_________________
Mom of 3


Top
 Profile  
 
Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 1:31 pm
Offline
User avatar

Joined
Mar 2005
Posts
6860
I see it the same way as Overhere - my Dad walked me up the aisle
Oh and shock horror DH asked my Dad for my hand in marriage before he asked me :shocked: oh and shock horror again I wore a veil :shocked: (apparently according to my SIL that has some awful meaning too)
All I was missing was a dowry :sarcasm:


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:   Sort by  

Post new topic Reply to topic  Page 2 of 3  [ 59 posts ] Go to page Previous   1, 2, 3  Next
Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to :