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Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 9:02 am
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pagangoddess wrote:
I think people clarifying that they don't belong to anyone is a bit unnecessary. I doubt anyone on here thinks their father or their husband owns them :sigh:


Is there not a line in the religious ceremony that says "who gives this woman to be married to this man"?[/quote]

i don't recall that but even if there is i'd interpret that as being symbolic than suggesting i am some sort of chattel.[/quote]

But where do you think such lines came from? The time (not all that terribly long ago) when women WERE chattels. And by having someone 'give' us away are we not perpetuating outdated sexist attitudes?[/quote]

but sure you could say the same about getting an engagment ring. i think that in this day an age everyone is aware of equality and womens lib, and that sometimes its just 'nice' to have a tradition.


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Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 9:10 am
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kasakins wrote:

but sure you could say the same about getting an engagment ring. i think that in this day an age everyone is aware of equality and womens lib, and that sometimes its just 'nice' to have a tradition.


I didn't/don't have an engagement ring - we bought a car instead :)

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Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 9:46 am
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My brother gave me away. My Dad died 6 years before we got married. Had he been alive he certainly would have done it and I would have loved that!

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Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 2:31 pm
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I see it the same way as Overhere - my Dad walked me up the aisle
Oh and shock horror DH asked my Dad for my hand in marriage before he asked me :shocked: oh and shock horror again I wore a veil :shocked: (apparently according to my SIL that has some awful meaning too)
All I was missing was a dowry :sarcasm:


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Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 2:55 pm
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angelika wrote:
kangaroo wrote:
god the whole 'being someone's possession to be given away' thing never occurred to me.

to me, my uncle walking me up the aisle (down the aisle??) was symbolic of me moving from my family of origin to my new 'family'


+1

I think people clarifying that they don't belong to anyone is a bit unnecessary. I doubt anyone on here thinks their father or their husband owns them :sigh:

I agree, I think of it as moving from one family unit to another, .
My dad walked me to the alter, and at the top he gave me a massive bear hug which lasted for ages, which of course made my eyes water, and I couldn't see where I was going when he let go.

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Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 3:39 pm
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I had a beach wedding. It was a Christian wedding as opposed to a Catholic one. My younger sister walked me to the ceremony from the hotel room. There wasn't an actual 'giving away'. My Dad wasn't there, and my Mom was in charge of my 2 ds's at the beach, so it made sense to ask my sister.

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Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 5:08 pm
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No one. My dad is alive and well thankfully but being walked up the aisle with a crowd of people staring at me is just not for me. I'd happily stay unmarried but if we ever do marry I'd say we'll elope, maybe with the kids that would be nice

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Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 10:19 pm
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Pseudonym wrote:
ainm2 wrote:
I don't even like the tradition of the woman going down the aisle while the man just arrives without ceremony.



That is interesting actually. I have never heard that part mentioned before!


Well, I'm a bit weird! I don't see why the woman parades down the aisle in front of all the guests while the man just skulks into the church in advance! I don't know why it originated this way - I suppose it's all part of the "giving away" bit, but it smacks of a cow being paraded around at an auction room to me :biggrin: Like, look at this prime heifer that I've managed to bag to marry me :lol: . Should I take myself over to unpopular opinions now?

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Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2012 10:22 pm
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Dh and I were late for our wedding so we both dashed in saying "thank you sorry thank you sorry thank you sorry yes yes thank you sorry" and then I said Ja and that was it we were done :D Twas great.

As I said, if my dad had lived I may well have turned out differently but he didn't, he died, and then everyone annoyed me for about 30 years and so this was the way my wedding turned out. Nothing really to do with feminism. I don't really consider myself a feminist.

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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 6:17 pm
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God this has been interesting and very insightful. Isnt it crazy how at this day and age we are still carrying on traditions without realising it.

I never even thought of the engagement ring or only the bride walking down the aisle as being tradition. But it really is! Hmm.... My thoughts for a wedding are changing rapidly! :biggrin: ;)

I love to hear how many people have such wonderful fathers and i'm sorry to those of you who have lost loved ones.

Unfortunelty i have 2 fathers (biological and adoptive) and neither of them have ever earned even my respect. So it'll be my grandparents will walk me down the aisle. They are the most important ppl (Bar my dp and kids) in my life. Even my mum hasnt been there as much as they have. I cant wait for the day they walk me up the aisle.

Oh and i also think its more that they have earned the Honor of doing it. I am no ones possesion! :sly: ;) :biggrin:

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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 6:25 pm
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I said other and my Dad, but not because its tradition... I would have loved nothing more than both parents walk me up the isle but my mam died when I was 17. So I would of had both if she had of been still with us.

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Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 6:44 pm
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My Dad was dead, my Mum had walked my sister down the aisle but my Mum was also dead when I got married. I have no brothers so one BIL gave me away and my other BIL gave The Father of the Bride Speech.

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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 10:40 pm
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kasakins wrote:
pagangoddess wrote:
I think people clarifying that they don't belong to anyone is a bit unnecessary. I doubt anyone on here thinks their father or their husband owns them :sigh:


Is there not a line in the religious ceremony that says "who gives this woman to be married to this man"?


i don't recall that but even if there is i'd interpret that as being symbolic than suggesting i am some sort of chattel.[/quote]

But where do you think such lines came from? The time (not all that terribly long ago) when women WERE chattels. And by having someone 'give' us away are we not perpetuating outdated sexist attitudes?[/quote]

but sure you could say the same about getting an engagment ring. i think that in this day an age everyone is aware of equality and womens lib, and that sometimes its just 'nice' to have a tradition.[/quote]

Well I don't have an engagement ring for that reason - why should I wear one when my fiance doesn't? To me -and I know this is not a popular opinion - an engagement ring feels like claiming ownership.

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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 10:43 pm
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ainm2 wrote:
Pseudonym wrote:
ainm2 wrote:
I don't even like the tradition of the woman going down the aisle while the man just arrives without ceremony.



That is interesting actually. I have never heard that part mentioned before!


Well, I'm a bit weird! I don't see why the woman parades down the aisle in front of all the guests while the man just skulks into the church in advance! I don't know why it originated this way - I suppose it's all part of the "giving away" bit, but it smacks of a cow being paraded around at an auction room to me :biggrin: Like, look at this prime heifer that I've managed to bag to marry me :lol: . Should I take myself over to unpopular opinions now?



I'm right with you ainm2!!

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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 11:12 pm
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pagangoddess wrote:
I have always disliked the idea of being 'given away'. I don't belong to anyone, therefore I am not anyone's to be given away.


+1 and my father felt the same.

I walked alone down the aisle beaming like Muriel from Muriel's wedding .. I always laugh when I see the video ( which has been a while now since we no longer have a video player)

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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 11:21 pm
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I suppose it is all how you look at it.

I have an engagement ring because I love rings and we marked the occasion by buying me one - we both contributed toward it (DH also got a present and I paid for that all by myself. It wasn't as expensive though. Still, I think my ring has kept its value better than Delia Smith's Complete Cookery Course :))

I went down the aisle with my dad because it meant a lot to him and me - I think there is a lot of space/time given to the mother/daughter relationship and this was one moment in the spotlight which was my dad's alone- I liked that.

I didn't think about dowrys/owning someone etc. but that was me - I can see how people would do something different. and if I got married now I would do it all differently just because I am older/different stage of my life.


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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 11:25 pm
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My brother. Both parents were dead (still are :lol: ) so he got the job and took it very seriously. Not seriously enough to wear a decent suit or prepare a speech but seriously enough that HE blubbed all the way to the church!! My Dad was a drinker so probably wouldn't have walked me up the aisle anyway, or I would certainly have been worried he wouldn't be able to on the day. I like the idea though.

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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 11:50 pm
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I clicked one of my children but it was actually both my girls. Both parents were at wedding but as my parents were seperated so many years and Mum raised me for so long I didn't think it right if my Dad gave me away but I didn't want to hurt him either, so this was a great compromise :biggrin:


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Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 10:27 am
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My Daddy :inlove: couldnt possibly have had it any other way...for me anyway :bigups:

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