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DDs bf of 2½ finished with her out of the blue 2 days ago. Second time he's done it. She's 17 and has refused to go to school today. She's been sobbing all night. Anyone any advise? Feel like murdering him, but also feel like murdering her because I know if he changed his mind today she'd be back with him without a second thought like the last time. Had hoped we'd raised her to think more of herself but her self esteem has always been low and she always thought she was lucky to have him as no one else would look at her. She is actually gorgeous, lovely figure and the kindest most thoughtful child you would ever meet no amount of telling her this make any difference. Please help!! Tracy

your poor DD its not easy being a teenager my mum had 4 dd and all she did for just was listen to us when we cried or gave out she had no answers and looking back on it that was the best for us as she wasn't giving her opinion or telling us she knew best
This may not help you in anyway but didn't want to read and not reply
Can only imagine you wish to give your DD a hug and take the pain away and also make sure the boyfriend never comes back
The saying is true " Growing up is never easy"
Sending you and your DD hugs

Bless her the poor pet. No advice but i remember that pain - she will get over it in time but at present her world has ended.

Lads thanks so much for replying, needed to hear I'm doing the right thing so far. Just letting her cry and give out to me. Finding it very hard not to call him all the names under the sun in front of her. Bringing her to school in a few minutes, I think I need to distract her and get things normal again, hope it's the right thing to do but we'll see.

Tracy there is nothing as bad as seeing your child upset. I too would love to be able to deck whoever hurts my ds or dd but I think I would be jailed Just being there for her is all you can do, listen if she wants to talk and if she doesnt ice cream might help

oh god, I dread the day and remember it vividly myself!!

Dont know if it will be cool or not, could you bring her out for a coffee/new lipstick - just you and her to cheer her up... or text her best friend to do same???

hopefully he will get a huge zit on his face and get slagged for a week (oops, not nice!! )

Got the nice ice cream in the shop earlier, and a funny dvd, we'll see how it goes. Would love to bring her out but there is a manic weekend ahead 4 away matches over the next two days and christmas tests all next week, but I will do something when I can. She's calmer now having spoken to her pals. He's a nice lad but has treated her very badly and I would happily throttle him and I'm not usually a violent person.

Gill noticed you have similar ages to mine, 17, 13 and 3, hard work isn't it. DS 3 is still getting up a 6.60am every morning, when I've only gone to bed at 2.30am after collecting from a disco. Great craic

hi tracy didnt want to read and not reply - oh god thats awful for your dd and i can imagine the urge to want to bash him - but your doin the right thing - be nice to her and let her cry it out - hopefully she will come to realise - its soo hard when anyone hurts your kids isnt it ? even in the smallest ways - my oldest is 10 but with all 3 sometimes i dread to think of them being hurt/picked on or left out - mothers really have the hardest job in the world - i hope it works out for your dd.

How are things today? I always remember my first major heartache and Elton John had hit with I'm Still Standing - my sister kept telling me to keep that thought in my head

Oh god your poor dd - I remember feeling like it was the end of the world when my bf finished with me when I was a teenager! Its very easy to look back now and laugh but I really was heart broken over it!

I dont think there is anything you can say or do that will help though, its something she will have to learn for herself! She might get back with him tomorrow but in 6 months time she could be wondering what she ever saw in him and she might be the one breaking up with him!

Hope you are ok, I know it must be hard!

Well lads things are only getting worse, she hasn't eaten properly since wednesday. Yesterday she seemed just OK but today she's a wreck. Didn't do any homework or any study sat in bed crying and shouting at the rest of us. He rang earlier and said he'll decide on friday if he wants to go back out with her, I'm like WTF, raging here. I want to tell her to pull herself together, but she's 17 and can't expect her to get over 2.5 years is a couple of days. Hope she will make a good decision, but I can't decide what that is. Wish this was over like a dark cloud hangin over the whole house. God I'm a moan aren't I.

This must be really hard for her and you.

Tell her to matter hown heartbroken she is she needs to tidy herself up, put a smile on her face, go to school, laugh with her friends and carry on with her life.

Tell her she is way more likely to get him back this way. Someone being so available and heartbroken isn't as attractive as someone who gets on with life. Of course the most attractive of all is the person who won't take you back. If she is out there being happy with her friends he might just come running.

Hopefully of course when she is out there with her friends, faking being happy she might just get over him.

Looking back on my boyfriend back then I remember how horribly upset, devastated, I would be when we broke up, yeah it happened more than once but our relationship was so intense how could I not be?
When I look back I wish I hadn't been so wrapped up in someone else when I should have been becoming my own person.....

Oh dear poor you, dd and whole house we can all remember how hard that part of our life was.
You are doing a great job just being there your dd will soon relise how lucky she is to have you as a mum
As for boyfriend wish i could get my hands on him can only imganie he's enjoying the power and knowing dd is waiting for him
Good luck and hugs and support your doing great

I know its hard but try to encourage her away from him, what's he's doing isn't good for her, as you are seeing poor girl xxx

Why don't you book her in for a facial, a reiki session, something that will take her mind off him. Get her to book her girlfriends and have them all over at yours the more she spends with her friends the less she will think of him, not easy but if I were you I would be doing everything in my power to ensure she doesn't get back with him, I know easier said than done but he's no good for her and treating her like this is just knocking her confidence everytime xxx

Good advice.

x

C

Arrogant little so and so How dare he keeping her hanging on like that! I wish she could see how horribly manipulative that kind of behaviour is. She is worth way more than that.

Let her read this thread.......

Lads, you have all been wonderful, I posted earlier but it's disappeared, don't know what I did wrong

I'm finding it hard to get my point across to her, but the way some of you put things is perfect I will be quoting you. She has always been a sweetheart, but at the moment is a monster. I really am starting to think that she won't go back to him no matter what happens, but I could be wrong.

It's brilliant talking here though my family just want to bad mouth him to me and it just doesn't help, I know she's better off without him I've been saying it for 18months, (didn't know about him for the first year), but it hasn't worked might just send her back to him.

I will think about letting her see this, but she hates me talking to anyone about it. I think her head knows what is right and how badly she is being treated but the heart is working against. Thanks all Tracy.

Tracey, I think ClareC gave some great advice there, If your DD is anyhting like mine I wouldnt show her this cos she'd die you were talking about her on "that magic nutters club".
And definitely try not to bad mouth him , it will only strenghten her resolve to see him and defend him
Good luck with it and hope DD is feeling better soon

Aww the poor girl, that fella needs a good kick up the hole!

My eldest is only 11, but I have talked my nieces through breakups before and got their mums point accross without it coming from their mum iykwim? Do you have any sisters she who could take her out for the day and have a good chat with her?

I was 19 when a boyfriend of two years finished with me. I was absolutely devastated and thought the world would stop turning. I don't know if it's anything to do with self esteem to be honest. It's heartbreaking no matter how confident you are when someone breaks up with you - particularly at that age when emotions and feelings are so intense.

All you can do is tell her the heartbreak will pass. She won't believe you of course but say it anyway! And tell her there's a much better man out there for her and that she will look back at this time and wonder what all the fuss was about.

This is what struck me... the power he is trying to exert over her.

Tell her this isn't only his decision. That she can take some power back for her. That he isn't the only one here who can make decisions. She has to decide if it's ok to let him treat her like this and to pick her up and drop her when he feels like it. Ask her what would she think if it were her best friend that was going through this!

Quick Update: She's just back after meeting him. Thankfully she decided not to got back out with him despite him begging her to. She's crying her eyes out again, but funnily enough seems happier. Have to fly out to collect now, couldn't wait to tell you all, very proud of her taking control again. Thanks for all your advise lads, Tracy

Absolutely fabulous news, well done your dd, let this be a big lesson to both of them